Change is a constant.
We all know that. So if change is constant, the only variable then is in our ability to adapt.
I was watching the Amazing Race Sunday night. It really is an interesting study on human nature and the ability to adapt to constant change – to the unknown. It is remarkable how certain temperaments rise to the top as they excel at adapting to unknown situations, while others battle themselves and their own teammates while flailing wildly at the unknown.
The ever important clue box is a great example of what I mean. Teams are given a general direction and told “that is where you will find your next clue.” So each team approaches the area not sure exactly where they must go.
Some teams calmly read their directions for more clues and talk it through, looking around together until they spot the box.
Other teams divide up to cover more ground, keeping each other updated and staying connected with their voices.
Then there are the teams that run around wildly yelling at each other, oblivious to the details of their surroundings. These are the teams that usually run past the box three or four times before spotting it. They are frantic and manic. They are out of breath, angry with each other, and completely out of tune with their environment.
For years my husband and I have joked we would make a great team on the Amazing Race. If I had to judge, I would say we would be most like the first team type – sticking together to take in our surroundings and find the clues. In fact, I am certain that is the kind of team we would be.
Change is not coming. Change is here.
Last Thursday my husband called me in the middle of his work day, except it was no longer a work day for him. After surviving many rounds of layoffs, this time he was the one terminated. He was calm when he relayed this life altering news to me. “Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no,” was the only thing I could say. But he calmed me down and told me the one thing I believe to be universally true, “We are going to be okay.”
As soon as I slowed down long enough to recognize his calmness and listen to the truth in his words, I knew it was true. We are going to be okay.
Where we have been.
After the accident in late 2006, I tried to get back to working full-time, but my body could not handle the stress of it. My symptoms continued to worsen to the point that we both realized what I needed most was time. After much consideration, and resolving ourselves to the financial adjustments we would need to make, I quit working and have been focusing on my health and wellbeing ever since.
FibroHaven is the product of my time away from working, and I am so proud of what I have created – my blog, my support group, and my facebook community. It is through all of the FibroHaven components that I have learned so much more about who I am, why I have Fibromyalgia, and what I can do to improve my quality of life. I have a new spiritual awareness attained through the many mind-body practices I have introduced to my life, like yoga and meditation.
Each step of my journey away from work and with FibroHaven, whether I was struggling or succeeding, my husband was right there with me – taking it all in, and trying to interpret what it all means.
The time away from the stress of working has been a true gift to me. It has not been easy on our lifestyle. We gave up a lot of the comfort and luxuries that comes with two incomes. I am not healed, I am not cured, but I am better. Well enough that I know it is time for me to contribute again.
Strangely enough, something happened this week to reinforce that it is time for me to change my focus. Everyday I spend a lot of time on FibroHaven’s facebook page. It was a great complement to my blog, and a quick way to share timely, relevant links and Fibromyalgia resources. I was very happy with the work I had been doing.
Monday morning I shared my most recent blog post there, and then went off to my noon yoga class. When I came home and sat down at my computer I headed straight for facebook, but my page was gone:
The page you requested was not found.
It was like a shot to my gut – another loss. All that work gone. Disappeared! Sickening.
Today, I am kind of over it. Sad, yes. Disappointed, sure. But I recognize how much time and effort I spent on it and I realize that my time and effort are best suited elsewhere now.
You see I am part of a team, and my team has had a set back. But we are not out of the race. No way!
Where we are going.
We are not out of the race, because together we have calmly taken in our surroundings and recognized what we need to do to move on. My husband is a talented man. He will find work again. But in the meantime, I need to come off sabbatical and contribute. This means less time to spend on FibroHaven.
Not to worry. My blog is here to stay. I will just have less time for all the ancillary projects – like the now gone facebook page, and like my local support group. I am cutting meetings from two a month down to one, and I will be asking for someone to step up and assist me in running the group. There were also several other things I have been working on that will either not happen, or will have to wait.
Yesterday was our 6 year wedding anniversary. We spent the day focused and excited about our future. Change is here and we are ready to adapt – calmly, and together. I can’t wait to see where the next clue takes us.
This is a great post! A tough break of course…but you are looking it square in the eye…and you sound ready. (Well…ready or not…huh?) You really are terrific writer and I wish you the best. Spending the day focused and excited about your future…what a great thing.
Keep us posted…(a pun…)
Kellie Robinson says
Thank you so much for all you have done for us! I totally understand your situation and I wish there was something I could do to help…please let me know if there is anything. All the best to both of you!
Anna Murphy says
All I could think of was, “Oh no, oh no.” That you and your husband make a wonderful team is so inspiring, though, that my shock is settling. I am going to look forward even more to your blog, knowing how much you are sacrificing to keep the blog going. Good luck to both of you. You are in my prayers.
Andy it means a lot to me that you took the time to comment on this post in particular. Your recent loss of your wife was on my mind and help me put things in perspective over the weekend. My husband and I are blessed to have each other to navigate through this.
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your compliments on my writing as well. Turns out I may have to put that skill to good use! 🙂 Thanks for the reinforcement.
Just leaving a comment is all I needed from you Kellie. It is the connections I have made with people like you that will keep me committed to this blog, no matter what life brings. I appreciate you so very much!
Anna you are so dear! It is a good thing we weren’t together when I got the news. We would have been a mess! Thank you so much for all your kindness and support. I am very lucky to have connected with people like you, and I am not going anywhere! Your prayers are very much appreciated.
I am so glad I found your site before it disappeared off of facebook. You have been a great wealth of information and ecouragement in helping me to start a support group here in Portland. I will be forwarding people to your blog, because it has so many great articles, like this one. Yes, we will all be OK…because of fibro, I have become great at having to adapt to change and the journey contines for all of us. I do not believe “things just happen”…there is always reason, even if we can’t understand what that reason may be at the time. I am excited for you, as I know this time of change will lead you to further growth and wisdom, which hopefully, you will share with the rest of us!!!
Which is odd, because I was just on FB and read this…oh go figure. Customer service anywhere just blows, seems worse lately.
Go get ’em tiger, you gots lots to contribute. I wish you the best of luck!
Kathy I still have a personal facebook profile where I link to my blog whenever I write a new post. That is how you saw this link. It is the FibroHaven page on facebook that has disappeared. I know it is confusing, but trust me, it is gone.
Thank you Lisa. I am glad to have helped you and will continue to do so. I am so happy you started a group in Portland. Who knows, maybe once things settle down around here I will start over on facebook. It really was a great tool.
The journey continues. Glad to be on it with you! My Best.
So weird. I know the difference between the two, I looked at the link, it was showing up for me yesterday but now poof! Not on my profile (remember me trying to get the networked blogs on my profile? What a pain)…now they’re all gone. Shows how dependent we are to the whims of the Powers That Be…