I have a headache. My neck is killing me. I hurt. I can’t believe how much pain I am in.
I have made these or similar other complaints to my husband so many times that I wonder if he even hears them any more, or if he just knows based on my posture and my mood and my tone of voice. I mean really, how many times can he hear the same thing without becoming somewhat numb to it, desensitized.
But my pain still shocks me. It still surprises me. It still has the ability to make me wonder how can I hurt this badly and still be functioning? I am not functioning very well today.
Whatever mechanism in my body that allows me to sometimes forget, the same mechanism that enables women to give birth more than once, I am very grateful to it. I will hurt today, to a point that my breath becomes labored and wiping my ass is a chore. Crass I know, but true. I may hurt this bad for several days, but it will eventually let up. It will eventually become a quiet, more gentle pain rather than the screaming and angry pain it is today. And then I will have a chance to catch my breath and forget – until it comes back again.
Oh my God, you have captured the exact feelings and the exact struggle I know from myself. I am so sorry that you’re in so much pain, and yet, you push yourself and ‘function’. I stumbled here by chance and haven’t read a lot of your blog yet, so I don’t know your whole story. But I hope you find some comfort soon and that your FM goes on remission for a very long time. Be good to yourself and be well.
Thanks Julie. I am constantly working towards better health, but there are just some days that the beast wins. Do you have FM too? I am glad you stumbled across my blog and that it spoke to you. I hope to chat with you again soon.
Yes, I was diagnosed with FM just 3 weeks ago, on December 3rd, 2008, so I’m still trying to learn what that means to my body and my life. The hardest thing right now is coming to terms with the fact that this is something I’ll have to deal with forever, and also the guilt I feel when I can’t take part in family activities.