When I think of my desire to get well, the idea of being “cured” has never been my emphasis. Would it be amazing if one day we are all completely free of fibromyalgia? Absolutely! But in my quest to live better, I have never focused on a cure as my destination. Instead of focusing on a cure – something I cannot control, I have tried to focus on my potential for living better in each moment – something I can control, and on building momentum during the good moments and minimizing the bad. It is a formula that often works, and continues to encourage me to keep trying, even if it means I sometimes fail and fibromyalgia wins.

In our frustration with the many debilitating symptoms and lifestyle disruptions of FM, we often look for (and hope for) the quick fix. Who can blame us? But if there is one thing I can share today to encourage and inspire those of you trying to make sense of the misery of FM, it is this – focus on the things you can control, and let go of your attachment to the things you cannot. Be realistic. Understand that you can live better and that you do have a measurable amount of control over your symptoms.

Small changes can really add up to decreased symptoms and a better quality of life.

By being present and focusing on the variables you can control, you are doing the very best for yourself. Minimizing stress, eliminating sugar and gluten, exercising, etc. will not cure you of FM, but they will help reduce your symptoms and increase your quality of life. It is just a fact. A life with chronic illness is still a life full of potential and possibility, but we have a part to play to reach that potential.

Frida turned her pain into her passion.

The great Mexican artist and revolutionary Frida Khalo lived her life of chronic illness with passion and vigor – painting many masterpieces along the way. I am no Frida, but I certainly have a lot to live passionately for. Fibromyalgia or not, my life has purpose and I intend to continue focusing on the possibilities rather than the pain. And I know I am not alone. There are many of you who feel the same, so for you, this is just a gentle reminder of your potential.

And for those of you who need a little more encouragement I offer this:

Start small. Change happens slowly. This is an uphill battle we are all facing, but each baby-step takes us closer to where it is we want to be – as long as we have a realistic view of our destination. The path is bumpy, and dusty, and there are many obstacles – and even some booby traps – but with dedication and determination, it is passable.

Celebrate and build on the little victories. Again, this means you must have realistic expectations. Maybe you start walking 5-10 minutes a day. And 4 out of 7 days you do so relatively pain free. Yes! Definitely worthy of a celebration. Sometimes you will not see the results of your efforts immediately, but just know that your efforts are having an effect, and that change is happening. This is why it is so important to stay encouraged, because our bodies give us many reasons to be discouraged. Chose to focus on the potential, not the pain.

Understand that even with improvement, the bad days will still come. This does not mean that all of the good work you have been doing is lost. It does not mean that you should be discouraged and give up. It is simply a fact of a life with chronic illness – one of the facts we cannot change, so slow down, accept the setback, and prepare yourself to move forward again once you are able. Fibromyalgia is not a static condition. It changes and fluctuates constantly. Know that no matter how bad you are feeling in any particular moment, there are better moments ahead. Pain of today does not reduce your potential for tomorrow.

It’s been one of those weeks.

One of those weeks when all I have wanted to do is shut myself up in my room and lose myself in books, movies, and God willing, some good sleep. It is my (and I am sure most of our) default position to “retreat” and isolate when I am feeling bad. And it is a desire I have given in to many times throughout my illness.

But I have noticed something.

I have noticed that by staying present and showing up for my life and my responsibilities, I am frequently rewarded with beautiful distractions from the symptoms that would otherwise consume me.

This has been an incredibly high pain week for me. In the past my pain would have been the reason for not moving, but I am in yoga school now, and I cannot make the decision to isolate myself without making the decision to miss the instruction I find so deeply rewarding.

Tuesday

So Tuesday morning I dragged my stiff, aching body to an 8AM yoga class. For ninety minutes I moved, stretched, and warmed my body from the inside out, and while still very much present, my pain became more tolerable.

But then the class work began, and for three hours we sat discussing the philosophy of yoga. Several times throughout the day, as my body got stiffer and stiffer, I told myself “Just go home.” But I stayed. I stayed because I knew my misery would not change if I were home alone with it, and I very much wanted to be present for the lessons of the day. So I stayed.

We ended the day with another 90 minute yoga session, and while still experiencing pain, I was better than I had been in the morning – and much better than if I had stayed home all day focusing on my pain.

Wednesday

Wednesday evening we had a support group meeting. I started our local group because I understand the need for community – the need to connect with others who understand how you are feeling. But I was miserable, and did not want to go. Yet at 6:30 I found myself there, surrounded by other members having an equally bad day (week, month). We ate and talked and had a really great time – the very best reward for making the effort and commitment  to show up.

Thursday

Thursday was much the same as Tuesday – yoga class all day. In my mind Wednesday evening I was preparing the email I was going to send to my instructor, explaining why I was not in class Thursday morning, and yet Thursday morning came, and there I found myself – stretching and moving with my fellow classmates.

After our morning practice, we sat in a circle and did what my teacher calls “checking in.” Each student takes a minute to share where they are and how they are feeling about their practice. I sat and listened as student after student shared what drives them and motivates them in their practice – what inspires them to keep showing up. Again, I was deeply humbled by the universal nature of suffering.

From divorce and custody issues, to the death of a parent, to abuse and addiction, to just generally being lost about the purpose of life –  there was a lot of pain being worked out and worked through in that room. After everyone had shared we sat silently, absorbing the beauty of the moment, and then my teacher asked, “How many of you feel better just by being here today?” Every hand in the room went up.

Community

On FibroHaven’s Facebook page I wrote this: There is nothing I can do alone that isn’t infinitely improved with the support of community. I founded FibroHaven on this belief: Community is everything. I directly attribute my growth and healing to the strength I gain by surrounding myself and connecting with those in the communities I have chosen to be a part of. Most people in my yoga community do not know I live with fibromyalgia. It is not important that they do know. I have my support group for that. What is important is that I have found (or created) communities that nourish and sustain me, and most importantly communities that inspire me to keep showing up.

What motivates and nourishes you?

What do you love? Where do you find community? It doesn’t have to be through yoga. And some people even shy away from support groups. But each of us has something that we love and that inspires us. Is it reading and discussing books? Check out your library for a local book club. Is it knitting? What a great way to spend some time, knitting and sharing patterns and design ideas with like-minded people. Do you love your church? Maybe there is a committee you can volunteer for. Or if you are interested in volunteer work, find a cause you are passionate about and volunteer for them.

There are days when yes, it is best to honor your body and rest. But I think we have all experienced the days when somehow we managed to show up to a scheduled event, and were rewarded for doing so with laughter and a lighter heart. You walk into a room and see a familiar smile, and your face feels lighter. You hear a familiar laugh and your heart warms. We need community, even if only for a much needed and welcomed distraction from the reality of living with chronic illness.

Friday

Today is Friday, and my pain is better. Showing up this week did not make me worse or increase my pain. Showing up this week nourished me, and encouraged me to keep showing up. That is what community does.

I have learned many things so far on my path, and the one lesson that appears repeatedly is that this is a process.

Healing takes time, and although I am caring for myself better than I ever have, there is still an unpredictable nature to fibromyalgia I cannot avoid. Setbacks, sidesteps, and distractions are all part of the process. That is an important point to emphasis – they are PART OF THE PROCESS. They do not separate me from the process, but they do challenge me to redirect my focus and discipline myself to get back on track when the distraction has passed.

The retreat I attended took place at a beautiful desert center in the community of Joshua Tree – the same Joshua Tree that inspired U2′s fifth album. The setting was beautiful and serene and COLD! Each building at the retreat center was designed by famed architect Frank Lloyd Wright. Wright designed buildings in a way to bring the outside in, meaning there were lots and lots of uncovered windows giving a sense that we were sitting in nature rather than a in building. Beautiful and quirky yes, but the design also made the rooms drafty and cool.

Our first evening we settled in the great room by the cozy fireplace for a restorative yoga practice. I chose an unfortunate place to lay my mat, and within 5 minutes I began flaring up from the cold draft hitting the back of my neck. I moved my mat to a more comfortable spot closer to the fire and was able to really enjoy the practice, but the damage was already done. I was in a flare.

One of the things I love most about yoga is the gentle way it warms my body from the inside out.

It is like an internal heating pad! And for a person with a regulated central nervous system, this internal warming would have corrected any discomfort caused by the cold draft. But for me it was too late.

I lay in bed that first night unable to sleep because of the extreme pain in my neck and head. The house started buzzing early that next morning with energy and excitement so I got up to join in. In truth I was pretty miserable, but I did not want to shut myself off from the other amazing women who were a part of the retreat. I was drawn to the buzz of energy and sound of laughter.

The last thing I wanted from this retreat was to experience a flare while I was there, but I chose not to let it become the focus of my experience. Instead I tailored my experience around it.

I participated in the gentle morning yoga practice but skipped the active evening session. I made sure I had plenty to eat and drank lots of water to keep hydrated in the dry desert air. And I accepted the help when my massage therapist friend generously offered to work on my neck. Massage is something I have resisted for some reason, and oh how silly of me! The tension in my neck was so great from the cold draft that my left eye was twitching uncontrollably. She was able to release the tension and helped me to assure my flare would be shorted lived and that I would be able to enjoy my remaining time at the retreat. I also credit my regular yoga practice for decreasing my flares and recovery time.

Today I am in what I call the “hang-over” stage of a flare.

The worst is over, but I still need to be mindful not to over do it and re-trigger. I know the gentle yoga sessions helped me, along with the wonderful massage, but in truth the thing that helped me most was the friendship and community I felt there.

I had the option of staying in my room to rest and recover, but instead I chose to interact with the wonderful women there. Their kindness, sharing, and laughter restored me and helped me remember I do not suffer alone. I was the only woman at the retreat with fibromyalgia, but each woman there is dealing with her own type of suffering – depression, addiction, abuse – and their honesty and bravery inspired me. I felt safe and understood amongst them.

It was unfortunate that I experienced a flare while at the retreat, but in a way it opened me up even greater to the experience, and because I was open about how I was feeling and did not try to hide it,  it became an avenue for others to share their own pains and struggles.

It is so humbling and empowering to recognize that we are not unique in our struggles, and most especially to recognize that we are not alone. We all live with our own particular pains and suffering. It is how we deal with those pains that either separates us or brings us together.

When I think back to the days after both traumas – the first that triggered my fibromyalgia and the second that exacerbated my symptoms – I clearly see that my eating behaviors contributed to my dis-ease.

Before the first head trauma I had what I consider healthy eating habits. But as soon as I became couch-ridden, trying to recover my ability to speak coherently, I turned to food as a source of comfort. I jokingly say now that I was “medicating myself with mashed potatoes.” But really, it was the truth. Overnight I lost – was forced to give up – so much of my life as I knew it, but the one thing I could still do and not cause myself more pain or distress was to eat.

Eating became the one thing I still had control over.

Food became my comfort, and in a way gave me a sense of empowerment during a very vulnerable period of my life.

Eventually I made my way off the couch and back out into the real world, but with each flare I returned to this behavior. “Can I get you a glass of water?” my husband would ask me trying to help. “Yes.” I would reply, “And some potato chips.” Flare after flare, this was the pattern. At the time I did not make the connection, but with time and healing, it is painfully clear to me now.

No longer was I nourishing myself with foods that sustained me, instead I was stuffing myself with foods that depleted me. My new eating behavior did not cause me to develop fibromyalgia, but it did contribute to my overall pain, fatigue, and mental fog. It did prolong my flares, and it most likely is going to make my recovery more difficult. I actually was causing myself more pain and distress without realizing it.

But I forgive myself this lapse in food judgement.

My mashed potatoes and potato chips actually did bring me comfort on some very dark days. Would I ever go back and deny myself that comfort? No. But I would share some of my new wisdom with that me, and love her and forgive her if she was not ready to hear it.

Food matters.

And it wasn’t until my 13th year of illness that I started to acknowledge how much food matters. When a very wise doctor recommended I would feel better if I eliminated gluten from my diet, I walked out of his office and that day became gluten-free. I was ready for the change. I was strong enough that I could let go of my attachment to food as comfort. And he was right. Within three short days I was feeling better!

The pain in my hands that had me convinced I was developing arthritis was gone! The debilitating head and neck aches I regularly suffered – never noticing that they occurred most often after mealtime – happened with less and less frequency. My hair stopped falling out!

So, if eliminating gluten could improve my health so much, isn’t it worth considering how other foods I eat are affecting me? And so the shift in me happened. And today I can happily say I have cut back on or eliminated many foods that deplete me and complicate my health – gluten, processed foods, fried foods, sugar.

I am nowhere near a saint, and I do still enjoy my comfort foods. In fact the other night I made mashed potato for dinner. But instead of butter and milk, I use greek yogurt to thin them out. And instead of pan-fried pork chops to accompany them, I grilled vegetables. And instead of needing the mashed potatoes to comfort and sooth me, they were just a tasty part of my meal.

So when someone asks me if curing fibromyalgia is a simple as good nutrition I say absolutely – No.

Fibromyalgia is a neurological disorder, and there are many component of FM that nutrition will not address, but good nutrition can help improve many of the symptoms that are a part of fibromyalgia – poor sleep, fibro-fog, IBS, fatigue. It is not a cure. Currently there is no cure. But if good nutrition can reduce some of your symptoms and improve your quality of life 15, 20, 30 percent, then isn’t it worth a consideration?

If one advances confidently in the direction of their dream, endeavoring to live the life they are imagining, he will put somethings behind. He will pass the invisible boundary. ~Emerson

I dream of being whole. I dream of healing. I dream of living with passion and with purpose and without pain. I am not there yet, but I am headed confidently in that direction.

After one month of yoga teacher training, I am certain I am on the right path. In this short time I have learned that although suffering exists, so too does happiness, and I have the ability to nurture my happiness, which in turn diminishes my suffering.

I have learned there are specific causes of suffering I have control over – what I eat, what I think, how I react. I can choose to nurture rather than deplete. We can all make this choice.

I am learning to live a mindful life – mindful of how I contribute to my suffering. Awareness is key. I am aware of my suffering, and aware that in me is the ability to acknowledge suffering while not living in suffering. It is imperative that I acknowledge my suffering if I ever hope to move past it. I can never understand a part of myself that I ignore or that I deny. Cessation of suffering comes only with awareness.

With awareness our actions are liberating and creative. When we are unmindful, we become caught in our conditioning and reactivity, and this conditioned reactivity keeps us bound to the cycle of suffering. ~Frank Jude Boccio, Mindfulness Yoga

I have been aware of the physical benefits of yoga for some time. That is why I made the decision to enroll in teacher training – I knew it would continue to help me heal, and in turn I could continue to inspire others to do the same. But I was not expecting the spiritual growth I am now experiencing. I was not mindful – but I am heading confidently in that direction.

Yoga is mind-body-spirit.

Yoga is all encompassing.

Yoga is life.

Yoga is gently leading me through the invisible boundaries.

What do you do when you are having a relatively good day, but suddenly hit a wall? Do you push through, or do you slow down and give in to it? There is a BIG brick wall looming just ahead of me. Can’t decide if I want to try and hurdle it or lay down before I smash my face into it! Let’s discuss. I would love to know how you manage.

There were many great responses that are worth taking the time to read. After reading them I knew I wanted to continue the conversation with a new blog post, and as often happens in life, I was further inspired to do so by my yoga practice today.

I was in a new class with a new instructor. This is always a thrilling and completely terrifying experience for me. Will I be able to keep up? What is their teaching style – gentle and nurturing or kick-butt boot camp style?

The teacher has a dramatic effect on your yoga experience and sets the tone for the entire practice. My favorites are the gentle leaders who guide with simple, clear directives and encourage everyone to honor where they are on that particular day. A good yoga instructor understands that our bodies can be different from day to day – even from morning to afternoon, and afternoon to evening. This is just one of the reasons why yoga – with the right instructor – is an excellent mindful movement for fibromyalgia. But I digress…

Just a few moments into my practice, I knew I had chosen the right class. He was gentle and clear, explaining how to elongate the spine while bending gently to the side. With my eyes closed, I focused on his voice and his directions, and found new joy in a pose I have done many times. It was a great “ah-ha” moment and my body responded with pleasure.

And then he said something that I felt like a wave rushing through my entire body:

Find the space between pleasure and pain, and rest there.

I was instantly overwhelmed with the intention and deep meaning that statement held for me. Much deeper than the obvious benefit it was to my practice on my mat that day – it is something we can all apply directly to living well with chronic illness everyday. Read it again. Read it several times. Read it out loud.

Find the space between pleasure and pain, and rest there.

How does it make you feel? For me, I felt empowered – empowered to know that space exists and empowered to know I was learning how to find it.

The space between pleasure and pain. This concept is difficult for the fibromyalgia sufferer. It is a space many do not know how to reach. And even if we do reach it, we may not be able to appreciate it, as we have become conditioned to brace ourselves for the next surge of pain. Admit it, some of you think finding this space is as likely as finding a unicorn there when you reach it. Right?

But this space is real. It does exist. We just need to learn to quiet ourselves long enough to find it, and then trust it enough to relax into it.  It is like finding the silence between our thoughts with meditation – the silence is there, we just have to learn to find it. It takes effort. It takes practice. It requires mindfulness. But it is real.

Rest. A simple word that is a difficult concept for those of us living with chronic illness. Often we are forced to rest, and it is anything but restful. Then, sometimes we chose to rest, but we are distracted by all the other “more productive” things we can be doing with our time. We fail to see how productive resting truly is.

Like all mindful approaches to living, embracing and living in the restful moments is a process. It takes work. How ridiculous does that sound? It takes work to learn how to rest. I wrote it. I believe it. And it still makes me chuckle reading it.

In general, our culture does not embrace rest. We have been conditioned to make the most of every moment. Multitask. Leave no stone unturned. But what bad could possibly happen by leaving a few stones be while you embrace the joy and restoration of rest? Really? Why can’t we learn to love the silence and enjoy the rest?

We can, but it is going to take work – and practice. We have a lot of conditioning to undo. And it is not going to undo itself. Through yoga and meditation – I am starting to come undone. I am unraveling and letting go of the tension I held so rigidly to for years. My space between the pleasure and the pain is growing and I am learning to rest there. I am learning to embrace my chosen moments of rest, rather than wait for the brick wall to force me into it.

You have that space too. We all do. Even on the days when you are certain it does not exist, it does. If you believe it, you can begin to find your way to it – and rest.

If I say “I am in a lot of pain today,” does that influence the way I deal with my pain that day? I think it does. Pain is not a static mass. Sit quietly and pay close attention to your pain. It moves, it fluctuates, it varies. Now if I state to myself or out loud that I am in a lot of pain, I may not allow myself the awareness to focus on and appreciate the moments when the pain is less.

Sometimes I will find that I am in a good frame of mind – despite whatever symptoms are nagging at me – and someone will ask me how I am doing. I know they are asking how my symptoms are that day, so instead of focusing on why I am feeling good in spite of it all, I focus on what is nagging at me and will respond with something like, “Okay but a little fatigued today.” What a wasted moment. I missed the opportunity to build on my positive state of mind, and all of a sudden I am more focused on how tired I am!

Language influences our thoughts and feelings.

If instead I say, “I am doing pretty good today,” then that becomes the emphasis of my immediate reality. I am doing pretty good!

Pain is real. The pain of fibromyalgia is a reality we are all too familiar with. I am not advocating we ignore it, or pretend it is not there. I am just suggesting that we think and talk about it in a different way. Instead of declaring, “I am in a lot of pain today,” maybe I could change my language to focus on the positive; “My head feels clear and focused today. I think I will write a blog post!”

Let your language help you to find the joy in even the bleakest moments. Find a positive to focus on and state it out loud. Make it your reality.

I am not happy in spite of my pain. I am just happy.

Throughout the evening he stopped the music and spoke from his heart. He spoke of the energy that is within each of us, and how we can choose to focus it on the good in the world. He spoke of the beauty in humanity and how each of us is a unique source of that beauty.

Happiness is a choice, not a condition. ~ Carlos Santana

What do you think of this message Santana ended his concert with? I felt like he was speaking directly to me. In fact I felt like his entire performance was a message to me, and I was open and receptive to it. I know there were people in the audience who heard, maybe even acknowledged his messages throughout the evening, but I absorbed them. And I am certain others did as well because the room literally vibrated with positive energy.

You can hear or read a line like that and acknowledge it, but what does it really mean to you? Do you know how to live it like it is a truth? Do you understand that in the midst of your most painful flare, or your most emotional breakdown you can choose happiness?

Today is Tuesday, and I am exactly who I am supposed to be.

I am Dannette, and I am who I am supposed to be. I have physical, mental, and emotional pain. I have debt, stress, pressures and frustrations. I have responsibilities and obligations. And I have joy. I have love. I have happiness.

Where I place my focus and expend my energy, that is my choice. And I choose happiness.

And by focusing our thoughts, energies and ambitions on the good, we feed that energy. And the good grows.

Hold eye contact with the people you pass to today, smile at them, and watch the smile grow. Feed the joy and love that is inherent in each of us. You will be amazed at how you are better able to handle all the rest.

You’re free
If you wanna be
You’ll see
Ain’t nothin’ gonna stop you.

Choose what you gonna do
Choose do what you gotta do
Choose what you gonna do

Choose ~ Carlos Santana

]]> http://www.fibrohaven.com/2010/04/27/happiness-is-a-choice-not-a-condition/feed/ 12 http://www.fibrohaven.com/2009/11/05/things-i-love-9-gluten-free-peanut-butter-cookies/ http://www.fibrohaven.com/2009/11/05/things-i-love-9-gluten-free-peanut-butter-cookies/#comments Thu, 05 Nov 2009 19:14:14 +0000 FibroHaven http://www.fibrohaven.com/?p=1691 I am an adventurous cook. I experiment with ingredients and flavors, seldom making the same dish twice. My husband always encourages me to write my recipes down, but I much prefer to “wing it” and see what tasty concoction I can create next.

All the things that make me a spirited chef, make me a horrible baker. I simply have no tolerance for carefully measured preciseness. I learned long ago that baking is not my forte, and I avoid it accordingly.

That being said, I recently discovered the easiest and most delicious Gluten Free Peanut Butter Cookie recipe that even this girl can master. Simple, simple, simple!

Ingredients

• 1 egg
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup peanut butter, any kind
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 cup chocolate chips (optional)

Directions

• Preheat oven to 350º. Prepare pans: line with aluminum foil or parchment paper, or oil generously.
• Put all ingredients into food processor and pulse until well blended. Or mix thoroughly by hand.
• Make dough into (about) 36 evenly sized balls. Arrange balls on prepared pans leaving an inch or so between them. Add chocolate chips, if using, lightly pressing one or two into the top of cookie.
• Bake until they flatten out a bit and start to brown – 12 to 15 minutes.
• Remove from oven and leave on sheet for several minutes, until they begin to firm up, then carefully remove to cooling rack

Yum, yum, yum!

But this adventure chef could not leave well enough alone!

Gluten free cookies are great, but I wanted sugar free as well (link between sugar consumption and chronic pain), so I substituted 3/4 cup Agave Nectar for 1 cup sugar (adding the chocolate chips adds sugar, so leave them off if you want sugar free cookies). To compensate for substituting a liquid for a dry ingredient, I added 1 tablespoon of Bob’s Red Mill Gluten Free Baking Flour.

The result was a moist, chewy, peanut buttery delight! I baked the cookies Friday evening to take to a Halloween party on Saturday. The cookies were a big hit! If I had not told them they were gluten and sugar free, I doubt anyone would have known.

Cookie Disclaimer

Just because something is gluten and sugar free does not mean that it is nutritionally good for you. But this is the time of year we all know we are going to indulge a little. So if we are not always going to make the best possible choices, we can at least minimize some of the indulgence. And with this recipe, you won’t even realize you are making a sacrifice.

Following up on the Progressive Relaxation guided technique of week one, in week two we learned a simple and useful technique called Mini-Practices.

Mini-Practices

For relaxation to benefit you the most, you need to learn how to relax and calm yourself upon your command. This skill can be very helpful when you are feeling increased tension or pain, but are unable to go to a secluded area to do progressive relaxation.

To Do a Mini-Practice:

1. Stop yourself in whatever you are doing
2. Take a deep breath
3. Say the word “relax” to yourself
4. Slowly exhale
5. As you exhale  focus on the sensations of relaxation
6. Allow your jaws to relax, allow sensations of heaviness to flow downward from your shoulders throughout your body
7. After 30 seconds go back to what you were doing – regardless of how well you have succeeded in relaxing

Reminders to do Mini-Practices

Your goal is to do about 5 mini-practices the first day and then gradually build up to about 20 mini-practices a day over the next few weeks. You can remind yourself to do a mini-practice in many different ways. Some people do a mini-practice every time they feel annoyed or tense. Other people do one every time they stop at a stop light or pick up the telephone. You can remind yourself to do a mini-practice by placing adhesive “dots” around the house (by the door, near your mirror) or on personal belongings (such as a watch, or pocketbook). Every time you see a “dot” you will be reminded to do a mini-practice.

It doesn’t matter how you choose to remind yourself to relax, what is important is that you practice frequently. Little by little you can develop a habit of keeping yourself relaxed throughout the day.

Learning to relax really is a skill. We live in a constant state of flight or fight. Learning to shut that down, even if it is only for 30 second increments is a powerful tool.

After practicing this technique for a week I can say it is something we should all learn and add to our coping skills toolbox. I have not counted to confirm that I am up to 20 mini-practices a day, but the cumulative affect of the number I am doing is very positive. I have a greater feeling of control over my emotions and enjoy the short sensations of relaxation. They are kind of addicting! I find myself doing one each time I wash my hands – and I am compulsive hand washer.

Try it for yourself. It is such a simple and useful technique there really is no reason not to try it. The researcher did mention that some people have an aversion to the word “relax” (feels too harsh), and if this is the case with you, it is perfectly acceptable to find your own word – chill, easy, breath, etc.

Be sure to get yourself a pack of the adhesive dots. They are a fun and useful way to remind yourself to relax.