Change, Adaptation, and the Amazing Race

FibroHaven — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 20:09:29 +0000

Change is a constant.

We all know that. So if change is constant, the only variable then is in our ability to adapt.

I was watching the Amazing Race Sunday night. It really is an interesting study on human nature and the ability to adapt to constant change – to the unknown. It is remarkable how certain temperaments rise to the top as they excel at adapting to unknown situations, while others battle themselves and their own teammates while flailing wildly at the unknown.

The ever important clue box is a great example of what I mean. Teams are given a general direction and told “that is where you will find your next clue.” So each team approaches the area not sure exactly where they must go.

Some teams calmly read their directions for more clues and talk it through, looking around together until they spot the box.

Other teams divide up to cover more ground, keeping each other updated and staying connected with their voices.

Then there are the teams that run around wildly yelling at each other, oblivious to the details of their surroundings. These are the teams that usually run past the box three or four times before spotting it. They are frantic and manic. They are out of breath, angry with each other, and completely out of tune with their environment.

For years my husband and I have joked we would make a great team on the Amazing Race. If I had to judge, I would say we would be most like the first team type – sticking together to take in our surroundings and find the clues. In fact, I am certain that is the kind of team we would be.

Change is not coming. Change is here.

Last Thursday my husband called me in the middle of his work day, except it was no longer a work day for him. After surviving many rounds of layoffs, this time he was the one terminated. He was calm when he relayed this life altering news to me. “Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no,” was the only thing I could say. But he calmed me down and told me the one thing I believe to be universally true, “We are going to be okay.”

As soon as I slowed down long enough to recognize his calmness and listen to the truth in his words, I knew it was true. We are going to be okay.

Where we have been.

After the accident in late 2006, I tried to get back to working full-time, but my body could not handle the stress of it. My symptoms continued to worsen to the point that we both realized what I needed most was time. After much consideration, and resolving ourselves to the financial adjustments we would need to make, I quit working and have been focusing on my health and wellbeing ever since.

FibroHaven is the product of my time away from working, and I am so proud of what I have created – my blog, my support group, and my facebook community. It is through all of the FibroHaven components that I have learned so much more about who I am, why I have Fibromyalgia, and what I can do to improve my quality of life. I have a new spiritual awareness attained through the many mind-body practices I have introduced to my life, like yoga and meditation.

Each step of my journey away from work and with FibroHaven, whether I was struggling or succeeding, my husband was right there with me – taking it all in, and trying to interpret what it all means.

The time away from the stress of working has been a true gift to me. It has not been easy on our lifestyle. We gave up a lot of the comfort and luxuries that comes with two incomes. I am not healed, I am not cured, but I am better. Well enough that I know it is time for me to contribute again.

Strangely enough, something happened this week to reinforce that it is time for me to change my focus. Everyday I spend a lot of time on FibroHaven’s facebook page. It was a great complement to my blog, and a quick way to share timely, relevant links and Fibromyalgia resources. I was very happy with the work I had been doing.

Monday morning I shared my most recent blog post there, and then went off to my noon yoga class. When I came home and sat down at my computer I headed straight for facebook, but my page was gone:

The page you requested was not found.

It was like a shot to my gut – another loss. All that work gone. Disappeared! Sickening.

Today, I am kind of over it. Sad, yes. Disappointed, sure. But I recognize how much time and effort I spent on it and I realize that my time and effort are best suited elsewhere now.

You see I am part of a team, and my team has had a set back. But we are not out of the race. No way!

Where we are going.

We are not out of the race, because together we have calmly taken in our surroundings and recognized what we need to do to move on. My husband is a talented man. He will find work again. But in the meantime, I need to come off sabbatical and contribute. This means less time to spend on FibroHaven.

Not to worry. My blog is here to stay. I will just have less time for all the ancillary projects – like the now gone facebook page, and like my local support group. I am cutting meetings from two a month down to one, and I will be asking for someone to step up and assist me in running the group. There were also several other things I have been working on that will either not happen, or will have to wait.

Yesterday was our 6 year wedding anniversary. We spent the day focused and excited about our future. Change is here and we are ready to adapt – calmly, and together. I can’t wait to see where the next clue takes us.

The Anthem of My Marriage

FibroHaven — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 06:05:04 +0000

I enjoy Rob Thomas’ music. His soulful voice and song writing appeal to me. With the release of his new solo album Cradlesong, fans of Rob are getting a rare and intimate look into his personal life. The first single, Her Diamonds, was inspired by Thomas’ wife, Marisol, who in recent years has struggled with an autoimmune disease. Her battle isn’t specifically addressed, but when interviewed about the song, Rob said “it’s about how something like that makes you feel empathy. I like to write about universal emotions. Everything has a base emotion; it’s just what triggers it that’s different for everyone.”

I listened to the song for the first time with tears in my eyes. It is a beautiful anthem of love – enduring love between spouses who live daily with the trials and uncertainty of chronic illness. Chronic illness is not just hard on the patient, it is hard on everyone who loves them and has to watch them suffer. This song made me want to shelter and protect my husband from all the heartache my illness has caused him. Just as Rob sings in Her Diamonds, if I feel bad my husband does too.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about how blessed I am to have a husband who loves me, protects me, supports me, honors me, and still thinks I am fabulous even on the days when washing my hair would be as difficult as climbing Mt. Everest. But when he is hurting, do I always remember to do the same for him? Probably not.

Her Diamonds touched my heart and gave me perspective. I just had to share it with you all. This post is in honor of my husband and all that he gives of himself. He deserves so much more than this dedication. He is my rockstar!

Lyrics to Her Diamonds

Oh what the hell she says
I just can’t win for losing
And she lays back down
Man there’s so many times
I don’t know what I’m doin’
Like I don’t know now

By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
Says it’s funny how the night
Can make you blind
I can just imagine
And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do
But if she feels bad then I do too
So I let her be

And she says oooh
I can’t take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can’t help her now
She’s down in it
She tried her best and now she can’t win it’s
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

She sits down and stares into the distance
And it takes all night
And I know I could break her concentration
But it don’t feel right

By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
Sits down on the bed and starts to cry
And there’s something less about her
And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do
So I sit down and I cry too
And don’t let her see

She shuts out the night
Tries to close her eyes
If she can find daylight
She’ll be all right
She’ll be all right
Just not tonight