But I was never happy or content with that state of being. Who is? Who could possibly be? Even when we reach a state of acceptance with our illness, it does not mean that we are content living with it. I was certainly not content – a shell of my former self, and a shell of the person I could still feel inside of me. My true essence is not that of a sick person. My true essence is beauty, strength, light, love, and possibility! And I could feel each element deep inside me just waiting to burst through. Something had to change!

So I changed the only thing I had any amount of control over – ME!

Actually I did not change me so much are get reconnected with ME – the me deep inside that I had lost touch with over my many years of illness. She hadn’t gone away, she simply had been neglected. And the first thing I did to reconnect with her was to forgive myself for neglecting her, for neglecting ME. I had been doing my very best to cope with my illness given the skills and understanding I had available to me at the time. As we all know there is no manual on how to live with chronic illness. It is a complete process of trial and error. We are the pioneers of fibromyalgia. So where to begin?

I began with the simple belief that my life had much more meaning than my illness. I began to listen to my intuition, which told me things could be different, things could change. I allowed my true essence to become louder than my doubt, worry, frustration, and fear. I gave more authority to ME and less to my illness. I opened my heart to the truth of ME and began to allow hope and joy back into my life. I worked hard at not letting the once loud voice of my illness, which at times drowned out any other sounds, to again become the only thing I could hear.

And I did more work. Slowly, yet regularly I began practices and behaviors that reinforced ME and turned down the volume of my illness. I completely changed the way I ate – no more gluten, and a lot more veggies, nothing processed, everything fresh. I began a regular yoga practice, starting once or twice a month in the extra gentle, senior class, and slowly progressing over two years time until here I am today, teaching gentle yoga and practicing regularly. I began reading books, magazines, and web content that enhanced and reinforced my new focus. I found a local spiritual community where I feel love, hope, and an even greater connection to the essence of ME. I could go on and on, describing the ways I have worked over the past two years to reconnect with me, and disconnect with my illness, but I think you get the point.

I am not symptom free. I likely never will be. But what I am is hopeful, and happy, and whole. I am whole despite what is missing. I am whole despite what is different. I am whole despite my symptoms. I am whole because I am again living from my true essence, not from my illness.

We are all so unique and valuable. I believe we feel pain so intensely because we feel everything intensely. It is exactly our capacity to love that gives us this incredible capacity to hurt. We can chose to focus on the love, and the essence of our being, rather than on the pain and symptoms of our illness. It is not living in denial. It is not mind over matter. It is essence over illness. You are so much more than your illness! And you illness can never diminish or extinguish your true essence. You were born with it, and you will die with. Now is the perfect time to find your own way to tune into it and let it once again become what you live from. Your formula will be your own. You know what makes your heart sing. You know what makes you feel like a complete and whole being. You know what makes you YOU! Find a way to spend more time there. You are love, you are light, you are beauty, and you are hope! The world needs more of YOU!

(self reflection photo courtesy of www.jennypalu.com/selfreflection.html)

I am in Love with Love
and Love is in love with me.
My body is in Love with the soul
and the soul is in Love with my body.
I opened my arms to Love
and Love embraced me like a lover.

Is there a better day for a new Things I Love post than Valentine’s Day?

When you hear the word love, you likely think first of romantic love – cupid, roses, sunsets, and the like. And yes, romantic love is a vital part of our existence, but love comes in so many varieties and packages.

Like the love we have for our family. The love for our parents who shelter and challenge us. The love for our siblings who pick on us endlessly but are the first to defend us if someone else tries to. The love for our grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, without whom no holiday would be complete. And the deep, selfless, limitless love for your children.

And then there is the love we have for our friends. What would we do without our friends to confide in, laugh with, cry with, and grow with? Our friends are a direct reflection of our greater selves. With them, we can be who we want to be.

And the love continues:

Love for our communities – church, school, work, support groups, etc.

Love for our culture – music, movies, theatre, books, art, etc.

Love for out pets – those crazy little balls of fur (or not) that never fail to warm our hearts and make us smile.

But the truest and greatest kind of love that I am most happy to celebrate today is love of ourselves.

Image by Bad Music Laine on Flicker

Love is more than a feeling, love is a choice.

Choosing to love oneself is the greatest and most inspiring kind of love. It will nourish and sustain you through all of life’s trials and tribulations. It will give you greater strength and security than you will ever find placing that love with someone else. And it will enable you to accept love and to love others with more freedom and abandon. Loving oneself is the greatest gift.

Too often we look to ourselves harshly and with judgement. We place our focus and emphasis on what we feel is lacking or wrong about us. But what if today, we focus solely on the things we love about ourselves? Wouldn’t that be a revelation?

So I am challenging you today – choose love over judgement.

Sit down and make a list of all the things you love about yourself. Truly focus on you, and what makes you so worthy and lovable. I am certain we can all come up with at least 10 things, but don’t limit yourself – write until you feel your list is complete, and then celebrate yourself!

• Buy yourself a flower
• Make yourself a Valentine’s Day card
• Dress up in your favorite outfit
• Cook your favorite meal and savor every bite of it
• Eat chocolate – slowly
• Pamper yourself with something you have always wanted to do
• Make a vision board celebrating YOU
• Browse your favorite store
• Smile and hold eye contact with everyone you see today
• Laugh
• Love
• Love yourself today – you are worthy!

Loving oneself is not selfish or narcissistic, it is healthy. If you love You, then you will be open to give and receive love from the world. Is there a better way to live than that?

All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.
~Leo Tolstoy

Thank you all for helping me make FibroHaven a place of hope and support. Thank you for inspiring me this past year, and for motivating me to make next year even better. You give me strength!

Wishing lots of comfort, joy, and love to each of you this holiday season. Your light shines brightly. I know, because it is what guides me.

The Rusnaks ~ With Love

Writing is a passion I can always remember having. When I was a young girl we lived in a very old house. My bedroom walls were covered with many layers of wallpaper. On a particular wall in my room there was a small hole hidden under the thick layers of wallpaper. I would sit and write letters about my inner most thoughts and feelings, and then I would neatly fold my letters and tuck them deep inside my bedroom walls. Thought after thought, and letter after letter rested inside those walls. For all I know the letters are still there.

Each letter I wrote helped me to release my fears, anxieties, and depressions. They gave me hope and made me feel connected to a source greater than myself. I always felt powerful and connected after writing my letters, although at the time I could not have expressed who or what I was connecting to. In fact I would address my letter to the unseen and all-knowing To Whom it May Concern. It gave me a sense of comfort to believe that there was someone/something that was concerned.

When I began this blog just over two years ago, in a sense it became that little hole in the wall for me – my space to share and process all my thoughts, fears, failures, triumphs, and epiphanies. And each of you became my To Whom it May Concern. And to my surprise my letters did not sit unnoticed. You took notice, whether you responded with a comment or a personal email, or even just read my letters and moved on, you have been here and given me the strength to continue writing. It has been a beautiful thing in my life, the catalyst really for my healing, and I thank you!

So when I am asked by FibroHaven members if I think they would benefit from starting a blog, my answer is always an emphatic YES! Whether you are passionate about writing or not, it is one of the most therapeutic things we can do. The benefits are endless.

From Health Benefits of Journal Writing, by Felice Willat

Marlene A. Schiwy, in her book A Voice of Her Own, talks about the healing dimensions of journal writing: “To create wholeness in our lives is to heal ourselves. Healing comes from the same root as whole and holiness. It is the attainment of wholeness of body, mind, emotions and spirit. For many women, The journal provides a gentle setting in which healing can take place. It offers one place where literally and symbolically, all of the pieces of one’s life finally come together.” And Lucia Cappaccione, author of The Well Being Journal, recognizes that illness can be a great teacher from within. “The most important message I learned from my disease is that the healing process is activated by a spiritual force that resides within. A journal can be a ‘living textbook’ for learning the lessons that the illness has to teach.”

I have learned so much about myself over the past two years of blogging about my illness. This is where it all began. FibroHaven – my little hole in the wall!

Whether you are inspired to begin a blog, or simply take up journaling, I encourage you to write, not just about your symptoms and your daily activities, but primarily about your inner thoughts and feelings. Research has shown that writing about your experiences reduces physical symptoms in patients with chronic illnesses, and isn’t that the goal for each of us. You find yourself here reading my thoughts because you are actively looking for ways to improve your quality of life. So – sit down, make yourself comfortable, and write about it!

Throughout the evening he stopped the music and spoke from his heart. He spoke of the energy that is within each of us, and how we can choose to focus it on the good in the world. He spoke of the beauty in humanity and how each of us is a unique source of that beauty.

Happiness is a choice, not a condition. ~ Carlos Santana

What do you think of this message Santana ended his concert with? I felt like he was speaking directly to me. In fact I felt like his entire performance was a message to me, and I was open and receptive to it. I know there were people in the audience who heard, maybe even acknowledged his messages throughout the evening, but I absorbed them. And I am certain others did as well because the room literally vibrated with positive energy.

You can hear or read a line like that and acknowledge it, but what does it really mean to you? Do you know how to live it like it is a truth? Do you understand that in the midst of your most painful flare, or your most emotional breakdown you can choose happiness?

Today is Tuesday, and I am exactly who I am supposed to be.

I am Dannette, and I am who I am supposed to be. I have physical, mental, and emotional pain. I have debt, stress, pressures and frustrations. I have responsibilities and obligations. And I have joy. I have love. I have happiness.

Where I place my focus and expend my energy, that is my choice. And I choose happiness.

And by focusing our thoughts, energies and ambitions on the good, we feed that energy. And the good grows.

Hold eye contact with the people you pass to today, smile at them, and watch the smile grow. Feed the joy and love that is inherent in each of us. You will be amazed at how you are better able to handle all the rest.

You’re free
If you wanna be
You’ll see
Ain’t nothin’ gonna stop you.

Choose what you gonna do
Choose do what you gotta do
Choose what you gonna do

Choose ~ Carlos Santana

]]> http://www.fibrohaven.com/2010/04/27/happiness-is-a-choice-not-a-condition/feed/ 12 http://www.fibrohaven.com/2009/11/26/the-potential-of-today-and-the-promise-of-tomorrow/ http://www.fibrohaven.com/2009/11/26/the-potential-of-today-and-the-promise-of-tomorrow/#comments Thu, 26 Nov 2009 17:06:52 +0000 FibroHaven http://www.fibrohaven.com/?p=1712 I am thankful.

I am thankful for my smart, funny and charming husband. I am thankful for the years he selflessly held us together while never making me feel inadequate. I am thankful for his companionship, his commitment to our partnership, and his unending loyalty, support, and love.

I am thankful for my parents. For all the words of wisdom and encouragement when I need them most. For instilling in me the belief that there is nothing I can’t do. For loving me unconditionally. For letting me find my own way, but always being there for me when I need them.

I am thankful for my sis. For checking in on me nearly every day to see how I am doing – regardless of what is going on in her life. I am thankful that she loves me completely without expecting anything in return. I am thankful for our sister lunches and the quality time we spend together.

I am thankful for all my family – My Granny, Aunts, Uncles, Nieces, Nephews, Cousins, and for the family I married into. I scored with my in-laws! I understand how fortunate I am to have such a loving extended family, and I am very thankful for each and every one of them.

I am thankful for my friends – old & new. My friends who know me sometimes better than my family. My friends who love and support me regardless of what I am able to contribute to our friendship. My friends who understand when I need to cancel a lunch date or head home early from an evening out. I am thankful for my awesome friends!

I am thankful for my new job, and for my new boss for seeing in me the potential to shine in his company, and for giving me the tools to do so. I am going to be a rockstar!

I am thankful for my Casey girl. I miss her so much this Thanksgiving. The first one without her in 14 years. I will miss her big soulful brown eyes pleading with me to share some Thanksgiving dinner. I will miss the way she greets all of our guests with joyful abandon. I will miss the gentle way she had with my Granny. I will miss the sound of her snoring after a long day of socializing with family. I miss her a lot – and am so thankful for the years we had together.

I am thankful for our current crazy critters – all four of them – and their unique and joyful personalities. Life is not dull around here.

I am thankful for the warm cup of coffee I am currently sipping, the fuzzy slippers on my feet, the blue sky out my window, and the waves crashing on the beach just down the street.

I am thankful for the potential of today and the promise of tomorrow.

I am thankful for the swirl of words in my head, and for my cold but nimble fingers that eagerly guide them to this page.

I am thankful for this page, and the many other pages that make up my blog. I am thankful for FibroHaven, in all its components.

And I am thankful for you! Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. It is a greater honor to me than you will ever know. Thank you if you have ever left a comment. Thank you if we have connected on twitter or facebook. Thank you for allowing my voice into your life.

Finally, I am thankful for everything that has happened in my life to lead me exactly where I am today – full of potential and promise.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am approaching the one year anniversary of my blog. I have grown a lot over the past 11 months. I have made many wonderful new contacts. I have learned to be more open and honest about my health – with myself, and with my family and friends. I understand more about the causes and contributing factors of Fibromyalgia. I could go on and on about my growth, but this post is not about me. This post is a celebration of you.

If you were to ask me the most important thing I am taking away from this past year, I would say YOU. From the members of my Meetup support group, to my blogging buddies, to my facebook friends and to my twitter team – everyday I am amazed by the quality people stricken with chronic illness – my chronic community.

You are not a passive bunch, you are passionate. Passionate to learn, and to share, and to heal. Passionate about your craft and your creativity. Passionate about your friends and family. Passionate about your causes and your concerns. And I want to honor your passion. Some of you may have read this list before, but I think it is worth sharing again. We can all use a reminder every once in a while about how valuable we are. And you are valuable – each and every one of you. Valuable, and so much more.

Who You Are

You are survivors.

You are scientists.

You are strong.

You are seekers.

You are smart.

You are sensitive.

You are stoic.

You are resilient.

You are resourceful.

You are artistic.

You are intuitive.

You are compassionate.

You are genuine.

You are proud.

You are beautiful.

You are passionate.

You are brave.

You are creative.

You are wise.

You are empaths.

You are private.

You are each different.

You are complicated.

You are connected.

You are givers.

You are a community.

You are family.

You are friends.

You love life and want to live it to the fullest.

You seek knowledge and understanding.

You appreciate empathy.

You have great senses of humor.

You have hope.

You are real.

You are much, much more than your illness.

Everyday you show me how valuable we all are. Everyday you impress me. Everyday you overwhelm me. And everyday you remind me that we are so much more than our illness. But just in case you do not always remember this yourself, look back over the list and take in all that you are. Pick out the ones that apply most to you, and really think about them. Focus on them for a few minutes. Say them over and over again in you mind. Be proud and say them out loud. Spend some time focusing on all that you are, not on all that you can no longer be. Your illness may be invisible, but you are not.

I listened to the song for the first time with tears in my eyes. It is a beautiful anthem of love – enduring love between spouses who live daily with the trials and uncertainty of chronic illness. Chronic illness is not just hard on the patient, it is hard on everyone who loves them and has to watch them suffer. This song made me want to shelter and protect my husband from all the heartache my illness has caused him. Just as Rob sings in Her Diamonds, if I feel bad my husband does too.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about how blessed I am to have a husband who loves me, protects me, supports me, honors me, and still thinks I am fabulous even on the days when washing my hair would be as difficult as climbing Mt. Everest. But when he is hurting, do I always remember to do the same for him? Probably not.

Her Diamonds touched my heart and gave me perspective. I just had to share it with you all. This post is in honor of my husband and all that he gives of himself. He deserves so much more than this dedication. He is my rockstar!

Lyrics to Her Diamonds

Oh what the hell she says
I just can’t win for losing
And she lays back down
Man there’s so many times
I don’t know what I’m doin’
Like I don’t know now

By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
Says it’s funny how the night
Can make you blind
I can just imagine
And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do
But if she feels bad then I do too
So I let her be

And she says oooh
I can’t take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can’t help her now
She’s down in it
She tried her best and now she can’t win it’s
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

She sits down and stares into the distance
And it takes all night
And I know I could break her concentration
But it don’t feel right

By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
Sits down on the bed and starts to cry
And there’s something less about her
And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do
So I sit down and I cry too
And don’t let her see

And she says oooh
I can’t take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can’t help her now
She’s down in it
She tried her best and now she can’t win it’s
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

She shuts out the night
Tries to close her eyes
If she can find daylight
She’ll be all right
She’ll be all right
Just not tonight

And she says oooh
I can’t take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can’t help her now
She’s down in it
She tried her best and now she can’t win it’s
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

Thank you Michelle at Life in the Autoimmune Lane for sharing this song first on your blog and introducing me to the anthem of my marriage!

The valedictorian at my nephew’s graduation gave a funny and moving speech. She had the entire football stadium laughing with jokes about her mixed heritage – her mother is Mexican and her father is Jewish. She apologized to everyone unable to find a seat because her mother had her entire side of the family seated in the home-side bleachers. Such a witty girl, and by the time she changed the tone of the speech she held everyone’s attention.

Her tone changed as she went on to point out and talk about individual students – not the jocks, or the cheerleaders, or the ASB officers though. Her list was filled with the classmates who went mostly unnoticed over the past four years – students who stayed in the background for one reason or another, yet still made up the unique fabric of her graduating class. I found myself in tears over stories of students I had never met, and who maybe even my nephew had never met. She painted such a lovely picture of how each of them were individuals, and they should embrace who they are, and they should all be proud of the contribution they made to their graduating class. Her message really impressed and inspired me.

I woke up this morning thinking about it, and about how it applies to so much more than just her graduating class. I laid in bed thinking about how many of us with Fibromyalgia and chronic illness are like those students who remain in the background. We struggle to participate. We struggle to reach our full potential. We struggle to contribute to our homes, and our jobs, and our communities. Our lives are a struggle, and yet we still are – each of us – uniquely individual and valuable.

It is hard to honor your contribution when all you can see is what you are no longer able to do. It is hard to embrace who you are when all you can do is miss who you used to be. Chronic illness is hard, but as I once heard a very wise girl say, the fabric of our lives would be completely different if just one “student” made the choice not to complete this journey. Have compassion for yourself. Accept who you are. Embrace your individuality and honor your contribution. I do!

and warm your heart and home.

May good and faithful friends be yours,

wherever you may roam.

May peace and plenty bless your world

with joy that long endures.

May all life’s passing seasons

bring the best to you and yours!

Irish Proverb