I was surfing around through my old posts, looking for an appropriate one to share, and I came across this post I originally published October 13, 2008, the same month I began my blog.

Selflessly Selfish

I struggle every day with who I am. I am different because of the Fibromyalgia. I am not the independent, fiercely productive person I once was.

Every morning I envy (but am grateful for) my husband and his ability to jump out of bed, hop into the shower, and rush out the door on his way to a destination where he knows his purpose and is able to perform at a high level. I lie in bed with muscle soreness, a dizzy head and complete exhaustion and wonder, “how am I going to contribute today?”

And it is not simply how am I going to contribute to my house and my husband, but how am I going to contribute to my physical and emotional wellbeing, and how am I going to contribute to the world around me.

Sometimes it is the smallest things I do that contribute the most and make me feel the best. I dry my hands on a dishtowel rather than a paper towel. Yippee! I just saved a tree. I pick up the wrapper from a straw that a fellow patron at the coffee shop has let the wind take away. She doesn’t know it, but I do and it makes me feel good.

There are days when I let the wrapper blow away. Days when I tell myself I am in too much pain to bother, but I never feel good about those moments. I always feel that I have given up or given in to the Fibromyalgia. If too many of those moments build up I get depressed, and then it becomes even harder to live productively with FM.

That is the point I am trying to make. I struggle to be a better person for myself. To be someone that, in spite of all that is different in my life, I still feel useful and productive, and that in very small ways I am contributing to my world. By trying to be conscientious and selfless I am being selfish, because I am the one who benefits the most.  And the small things add up.  They really do make a difference.

So what did I do that was so great today? Nothing so far, but the day is not over. I still have time.

Wow! Rereading this post really took me back. It really made me take a moment and reflect on how much has changed in the 18 months since I began this blog.

And that is what I want you to know about me: I have changed. I am different. I am improved.

I am no longer at the mercy of Fibromyalgia. I am a participant in my health, not an onlooker. And I got here by making many small changes:

I created a community, starting with this blog, which brought people like Kathy into my life. I began sharing more and worring less because I have a greater support foundation to rely on.

I began doing research and filtering the abundance of information on Fibromyalgia to determine what fit best for me. I determined a holistic approach was more appropriate for me than the pharmaceutical approach taken by most doctors.

I added supplements to my daily care.

I began practicing yoga and cut gluten out of my diet. Through research, trial, and error (and believe me there were years of error) I found what works for me and my health.

I slowed down…… and took many baby steps to avoid making those painful leaps.

This has been a true journey, and I am so grateful for how far I have come. It was not without work, setbacks, and a lot of effort. But the foundation for my change came from the belief that I could improve, and that it was up to me to figure out how.

I am still frequently tired and dizzy in the mornings. I still have daily symptoms. I am not always able to contribute. But my progress is discernible.

I hope this encourages you. I hope you are able to look closely at your daily habits and routines, and distinguish what nourishes you from what holds you back. There are many components to Fibromyalgia we cannot control. Take a look at what you can, and honor yourself by making the best choices for your particular situation. You can change. You can improve. Believe it!

All the things that make me a spirited chef, make me a horrible baker. I simply have no tolerance for carefully measured preciseness. I learned long ago that baking is not my forte, and I avoid it accordingly.

That being said, I recently discovered the easiest and most delicious Gluten Free Peanut Butter Cookie recipe that even this girl can master. Simple, simple, simple!

Ingredients

• 1 egg
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup peanut butter, any kind
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 cup chocolate chips (optional)

Directions

• Preheat oven to 350º. Prepare pans: line with aluminum foil or parchment paper, or oil generously.
• Put all ingredients into food processor and pulse until well blended. Or mix thoroughly by hand.
• Make dough into (about) 36 evenly sized balls. Arrange balls on prepared pans leaving an inch or so between them. Add chocolate chips, if using, lightly pressing one or two into the top of cookie.
• Bake until they flatten out a bit and start to brown – 12 to 15 minutes.
• Remove from oven and leave on sheet for several minutes, until they begin to firm up, then carefully remove to cooling rack

Yum, yum, yum!

But this adventure chef could not leave well enough alone!

Gluten free cookies are great, but I wanted sugar free as well (link between sugar consumption and chronic pain), so I substituted 3/4 cup Agave Nectar for 1 cup sugar (adding the chocolate chips adds sugar, so leave them off if you want sugar free cookies). To compensate for substituting a liquid for a dry ingredient, I added 1 tablespoon of Bob’s Red Mill Gluten Free Baking Flour.

The result was a moist, chewy, peanut buttery delight! I baked the cookies Friday evening to take to a Halloween party on Saturday. The cookies were a big hit! If I had not told them they were gluten and sugar free, I doubt anyone would have known.

Cookie Disclaimer

Just because something is gluten and sugar free does not mean that it is nutritionally good for you. But this is the time of year we all know we are going to indulge a little. So if we are not always going to make the best possible choices, we can at least minimize some of the indulgence. And with this recipe, you won’t even realize you are making a sacrifice.

It was several years ago now that my therapist tried to help me resolve my physical pain by dealing with my suppressed emotions. Ironically, her recommendation to me was to write. She believed that through the process of writing, my muscles would begin to let go of everything they had been storing. Unfortunately I did not get very far with her. Maybe I was not ready to hear her and understand then. Maybe the time was not right. But today as I sit here writing about it, I am so much more aware and accepting of where she was trying to guide me.

My muscles are full of emotions I have spent the last 40 years avoiding.

The pain is stored there because that is how I unconsciously chose to process it. I stuffed it deep down inside to avoid facing it, but it doesn’t just disappear, it simply manifests itself into a different kind of pain.

My muscles are inflamed and toxic because I did not have the skills to manage and deal with the crisis in the moment. Who does have the skills? They are not easy to acquire. I still do not have them, but I am working towards it. It may take me the next 40 years, but at least I am now aware.

Healing is not a simple process.

First we must really come to terms with the source of our pain. For the purpose of this post I am focusing on emotional pain, but as we all know there are many other components to our pain (trauma, infection, toxin, etc.) that make this process even more complicated.

So where do we start?

Again, there is no easy answer. Years ago I started in the most logical place, therapy, and yet it turned out not to be my actual starting point. I had years of stagnant suffering after that, waiting for my health to change, but not actively making the changes necessary for my health to improve.

Looking back on it now, I am learning from my time spent in therapy, but it made little difference in my life at the time.

My true starting point in understanding how my emotions have contributed to my pain is this blog. Writing here has allowed me to explore and examine myself in ways I never would have otherwise. It has allowed me to acquire new tools and resources to actively apply to my intention of wellness.

What does that mean?

Well it means I am no longer sitting on my couch with a tub of mashed potatoes, convincing myself that my misery entitles me to eat it. And it means that I am no longer waiting for better health to find me, I am actively seeking it out. And it means I am no longer discouraged by the many set backs, because I understand it took years for this damage to occur in my body, and it will take years for me to correct everything, but each step I take towards healing tips the balance to the path of wellness and a better life.

For me, the tools and resources I have acquired to deal with emotional pain are writing, yoga, and meditation. The combination of the three have given me a greater awareness of the mind-body connection, which I believe is essential for healing our emotional pain.

Yoga and meditation teach you to connect with and examine your body, scanning for places of tension and pain. They teach you to acknowledge and breathe into those places, and not ignore what you are storing there. It has been an amazing process of self-discovery, and both practices often leave me more emotional but less painful.

Writing is where I come to process everything. This is where I put the piece together and try to make sense of them. Without this blog, I am certain I would still be waiting for my health to change.

So how can you take what I have learned and apply it to your own path to wellness?

First, you have to be ready to take your journey. You have to be ready to do the work and the research to find the best tools and resources for you. Then you have to understand that it is a journey of endurance and not be discouraged by the inevitable setbacks. You have to believe that you are worth the effort and that better health is possible.

If you are not there yet, like I wasn’t not that long ago, keep reading, keep researching, don’t give up. Never give up! Better health is possible. Once you believe it is, your journey will begin.

I spent my twenties in a haze of parties and adventure. Oh the fun I had! I paid for that fun in my thirties. My thirties have been a decade of pain and frustration. After developing Fibromyalgia in my late twenties, I spent most of my thirties a slave to my symptoms.

But that is all changing. It started with this blog, and all the research I do to stay informed and up to date. Knowledge is power I tell you. I am learning more and more that I can feel better, and that there are things I can do to take back a measurable amount of control over my health. These are all resources and tips I have shared with you in the hundred plus posts I have written. I try very hard to practice what I preach, and the more I do, the better I feel.

So bring on forty. Forty is going to be my decade for health and healing, for wealth and wellness. I am ready for forty!

Pardon me while I spend this week celebrating. I have many things I want to share with you – like the great support group meeting I had last week attended by Lynne Matallana of the National Fibromyalgia Association. What a treat that was! But I am not going to be sitting in front of my computer too much this week. Instead I am going to be practicing yoga and meditation, going to lunch with family and friends, getting pedicures with my big sis, and honoring my health as much as possible to prepare for this next decade.

I am so looking forward to what forty will bring, and I am grateful to have this space and all of you to share it with. You are a gift I treasure each day. Thank you for taking the time to read what I write and occasionally leave a comment when the mood strikes. I appreciate you more than you know!

Happy Birthday to me!

Man I have a lot going on right now – a lot of good things going on right now. I have teased in the past that I am working towards bigger and better things for FibroHaven. I want this to be more than just a blog where I come to relieve my tension, share my experiences, and hopefully educate and entertain you. I want this blog to be the foundation for a whole infrastructure of community, heath, and wellness, which we are all so hopefully pursuing. And I am working on it.

To that end, I am finding that each day I have more and more on my plate. Today for example, this is what I am hoping to accomplish:

To-Do List

• write two blog posts
• read the assignment and complete homework for business class I am taking
• email back the 14 people who are waiting so patiently for my response
• prepare for meeting tonight to cover progress of FibroHaven launch
• confirm details with guest presenter for support group meeting on Wednesday
• schedule August meetings for FibroHaven support group

Whew!

Now mind you, todays list is this long because I accomplished nothing productive over the weekend – except having a great bbq with my family and catching up on some movies I have wanted to see – but nothing that would make my “to-do” list more palatable.

So when I found the image above, I thought it was a great reminder for me. Yes, I am “chewing” a lot right now, but like that yummy strawberry the tortoise is so happily munching on, it is all good for me. Everything I am working on and working towards will not only enrich my life, but it will also enrich everyone who becomes a part of my vision for FibroHaven – one great big community where we all share, and support, and connect, and explore. A community where no one feels isolated or alone. A community where when you are in the middle of the storm that is life, you can retreat to for a little shelter and protection – a Haven!

It may not be the most organized haven, and it may sometimes progress like the tortoise instead of the hare, but it will be a haven none-the-less. Our Haven! And the great thing is you all understand. You all get it. I didn’t need to get on here today and apologize for anything. I just came on here to share. Because I can. Because I know you will understand and you will listen. That is what I am working hard to develop – a place where we can all go when we need a little understanding.

Note to self: write two one blog post.

Ever notice when you are sitting at the beach, or walking through a forest you feel more relaxed, more connected, more observant? Even simply gazing out a window onto a garden or nature setting is calming and soothing. Nature’s healing power is undeniable.

I am blessed to live in North San Diego County. There is a great energy and spirit here – magical really. It is hard to explain, but the land and the community seem to promote health and wellness. Just two miles from my front door is a beautiful lagoon and nature preserve Batiquitos Lagoon. I have lived in this neighborhood for over a year, but just recently began walking the serene nature path along the lagoon’s edge. What took me so long?

Walking is good for me. Right?

As we all know, walking, while it is touted as something we should all be doing, can often cause as severe a flare as high-impact activity. While yoga has become my new go-to exercise, I have shied away from walking very much because it is more problematic for me. But there are so many things about the lagoon trail that make it perfect for me, and now I look forward to walking it as frequently as possible.

The trail itself is a flat, easy, two mile walk one way. The lagoon is just off the ocean so even in the hottest time of the day there is a cooling breeze, and much of the trail is shaded by giant Eucalyptus trees. And if that were not comfortable and inviting enough, every tenth of a mile or so, there is a strategically placed bench welcoming trail enthusiasts to have a seat and take in the serene surroundings.

From Great Blue Heron, to the endangered Least Turns, there are birds a plenty to watch flying overhead or feeding along the shoreline. I have no idea what crazy kind of fish are in the lagoon, but it is impossible not to see them leaping up out of the water, taunting pelicans with their acrobatics. The habitat is beautiful and diverse. My favorite is the gigantic, pre-historic looking sago palms – 30-40 feet in height, I can just imagine what lives amid their great fronds.

I love the the Batiquitos Lagoon!

It is my new meditation spot and happy place. Serenity finds me each time I am there. I have walked more in the past month then I did all year, and for the most part, flare-free. What more could I ask for?

Plus, did I mention? Finley loves it too.

This article is free to reprint on your blog, ezine, web site, etc. Just leave everything “as is” including the resource box at the bottom. Thank you!

If chronic illness or pain is a part of your life, the odds are that at one point you have been requested by a physician to keep a log about your activities and pain levels, especially what led up to your pain being most intense. He may have suggested that you write down specific activities, your diet and exercise behaviors, and even your patterns of sleep.

If you have attempted to take this on and do it thoroughly, you know that it can be an overwhelming feeling to keep track of all of your activities and still maintain a sense of normal life. He can be extremely helpful, however, to you and your medical team, to have a written record of your activities, diet, etc. to help discover what is it is causing you the greatest pain. Was that extreme flare caused by a minor food allergy, the weather conditions, or that you were up all night with friends?

It is somewhat ironic that while we may find it a burdensome task to record what we are eating, who we are with, how much we slept, and how we are feeling, millions of people are doing this daily on Twitter. They write what they ate for lunch, if they have a migraine, and if they are up at 2 a.m. working. . . and they call it fun!

If you have a chronic illness, Twitter can be an amazing tool to use as a pain diary. This social networking tool has been successfully used to help people maintain logs on their diet, exercise, and even the commitment to stop smoking. Why should we not use it to keep accurate records of our chronic illness and pain levels?

Here are 5 steps to put this into place:

[1] Create an account at Twitter just for your chronic pain logs. If you already have a Twitter account, make a new one, and let it remain private. If you look under “settings” you will see the option to make your account private, meaning that you will have to approve any followers before anyone can see your Twitter account. Since this is private medical information, we recommend not approving anyone. If you are already Twittering this can seem a bit strange because you typically want to increase the number of followers.

[2] You are now ready to start writing your posts. You cannot write more than 140 characters, however, this keeps it a simple task and not too overwhelming. Feel free to use it in any way necessary, for example, submitting more than one post to describe a special circumstance. You can send posts from your cell phone, not just from the computer, so set up this option in your account to make the most of it.

[3] If you don’t know where to start, begin by posting about any major events or behaviors that are not part of your typical day, and how your body responded to them. For example, if you awake feeling horrible, ask yourself has the weather change significantly? Twitter the weather. Are you taking the same amount of medication as you typically do? Were you active or solitary yesterday? Post whatever information may be valuable to you and your medical team at any right in your treatment.

[4] Before you go to a doctor’s appointment, log on to your Twitter account and print out the posts if your doctor would like acopy. Highlight any major changes in your patterns of pain.

[5] If you already use twitter for personal or business reasons, consider using a service that will post to more than one account at a time so that you are regular tweets that share where you are and what you are doing can also post to your twitter chronic pain log without any additional effort.

The market for Twitter applications will continue to grow and there is no doubt that’s those considering medical Web 2.0 tools will come up with some fancy (and complicated) ways to record your pain levels. But for now you can have a thorough log of your chronic illness and pain levels in just minutes at no cost. You can’t beat that!

Lisa Copen is the founder of Invisible Illness Awareness Week held annually in Sept and featuring a free 5-day virtual conference w/ 20 seminars w/ 20 speakers. Follow II Week on Twitter for prizes and info. Blog about invisible illness on your site, be a featured guest blogger, meet others, read articles and lots more. Make a difference!

From Hillary

I am committed to provide you with support and ways to really tackle the challenges that arise in order to create more peace in your life.

But in order for me to really HELP YOU it takes your walking with me to assist YOU on YOUR Journey. And it’s easy to find your power, harness your will, enjoy freedom and feel good about it as you heal your disease when you know you are not alone!

It’s Simple – All YOU have to do is send in YOUR question and tell me what keeps YOU up at night so I can better assist you gain all your hearts desire to have more PEACE in YOUR life.

Back in 1996 when I was diagnosed with MS I turned to every book possible. All I had were pages to turn to not a person who walked in my shoes and NOW YOU have this opportunity to ask YOUR burning questions –  this one I would of pounced on!

So what are you waiting for?

http://www.AskHillaryNow.com

I have participated in two of Hillary’s calls. Each time I came away with inspiration to apply to my own quest to improve my health and wellbeing, and to one day live free of Fibromyalgia symptoms. There is a saying that goes, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” I assure you, Hillary cares, and I think it would be worth you time to listen to what she knows. I will be listening tomorrow. I hope you join me.

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