When I think back to the days after both traumas – the first that triggered my fibromyalgia and the second that exacerbated my symptoms – I clearly see that my eating behaviors contributed to my dis-ease.

Before the first head trauma I had what I consider healthy eating habits. But as soon as I became couch-ridden, trying to recover my ability to speak coherently, I turned to food as a source of comfort. I jokingly say now that I was “medicating myself with mashed potatoes.” But really, it was the truth. Overnight I lost – was forced to give up – so much of my life as I knew it, but the one thing I could still do and not cause myself more pain or distress was to eat.

Eating became the one thing I still had control over.

Food became my comfort, and in a way gave me a sense of empowerment during a very vulnerable period of my life.

Eventually I made my way off the couch and back out into the real world, but with each flare I returned to this behavior. “Can I get you a glass of water?” my husband would ask me trying to help. “Yes.” I would reply, “And some potato chips.” Flare after flare, this was the pattern. At the time I did not make the connection, but with time and healing, it is painfully clear to me now.

No longer was I nourishing myself with foods that sustained me, instead I was stuffing myself with foods that depleted me. My new eating behavior did not cause me to develop fibromyalgia, but it did contribute to my overall pain, fatigue, and mental fog. It did prolong my flares, and it most likely is going to make my recovery more difficult. I actually was causing myself more pain and distress without realizing it.

But I forgive myself this lapse in food judgement.

My mashed potatoes and potato chips actually did bring me comfort on some very dark days. Would I ever go back and deny myself that comfort? No. But I would share some of my new wisdom with that me, and love her and forgive her if she was not ready to hear it.

Food matters.

And it wasn’t until my 13th year of illness that I started to acknowledge how much food matters. When a very wise doctor recommended I would feel better if I eliminated gluten from my diet, I walked out of his office and that day became gluten-free. I was ready for the change. I was strong enough that I could let go of my attachment to food as comfort. And he was right. Within three short days I was feeling better!

The pain in my hands that had me convinced I was developing arthritis was gone! The debilitating head and neck aches I regularly suffered – never noticing that they occurred most often after mealtime – happened with less and less frequency. My hair stopped falling out!

So, if eliminating gluten could improve my health so much, isn’t it worth considering how other foods I eat are affecting me? And so the shift in me happened. And today I can happily say I have cut back on or eliminated many foods that deplete me and complicate my health – gluten, processed foods, fried foods, sugar.

I am nowhere near a saint, and I do still enjoy my comfort foods. In fact the other night I made mashed potato for dinner. But instead of butter and milk, I use greek yogurt to thin them out. And instead of pan-fried pork chops to accompany them, I grilled vegetables. And instead of needing the mashed potatoes to comfort and sooth me, they were just a tasty part of my meal.

So when someone asks me if curing fibromyalgia is a simple as good nutrition I say absolutely – No.

Fibromyalgia is a neurological disorder, and there are many component of FM that nutrition will not address, but good nutrition can help improve many of the symptoms that are a part of fibromyalgia – poor sleep, fibro-fog, IBS, fatigue. It is not a cure. Currently there is no cure. But if good nutrition can reduce some of your symptoms and improve your quality of life 15, 20, 30 percent, then isn’t it worth a consideration?

If I say “I am in a lot of pain today,” does that influence the way I deal with my pain that day? I think it does. Pain is not a static mass. Sit quietly and pay close attention to your pain. It moves, it fluctuates, it varies. Now if I state to myself or out loud that I am in a lot of pain, I may not allow myself the awareness to focus on and appreciate the moments when the pain is less.

Sometimes I will find that I am in a good frame of mind – despite whatever symptoms are nagging at me – and someone will ask me how I am doing. I know they are asking how my symptoms are that day, so instead of focusing on why I am feeling good in spite of it all, I focus on what is nagging at me and will respond with something like, “Okay but a little fatigued today.” What a wasted moment. I missed the opportunity to build on my positive state of mind, and all of a sudden I am more focused on how tired I am!

Language influences our thoughts and feelings.

If instead I say, “I am doing pretty good today,” then that becomes the emphasis of my immediate reality. I am doing pretty good!

Pain is real. The pain of fibromyalgia is a reality we are all too familiar with. I am not advocating we ignore it, or pretend it is not there. I am just suggesting that we think and talk about it in a different way. Instead of declaring, “I am in a lot of pain today,” maybe I could change my language to focus on the positive; “My head feels clear and focused today. I think I will write a blog post!”

Let your language help you to find the joy in even the bleakest moments. Find a positive to focus on and state it out loud. Make it your reality.

I am not happy in spite of my pain. I am just happy.

Fibromyalgia is such a bitch! Just go back and read my last post written on a good day when I was feeling lucky and supported. How dramatically different is this post. Don’t get me wrong. It is not that I am all of a sudden sad and hopeless, I am just once again humbled by the overwhelming nature of Fibromyalgia. I was just given a very firm and intense reminder of the unpredictable and debilitating status of my health.

Today is a new day, the start of a new week. The mirror is kinder and gentler today. Everything in my life that was put on hold last week is still here this week. My blog! Oh how I miss my blog on the days I am down and out. It is my lifeline. Those of you who left comments – even though I did not reply to them, they really helped me feel connected during my flare – THANK YOU!

So, now to regain my momentum. First thing, now that my brain is starting to function again, is to make a list of all the things I want to accomplish. Second, remind myself to take it day by day. No pressure, just keep moving forward and progress will happen. Third, honor my limits. It is so easy once you get on the good side of a flare up to try and make up for all the time lost. I am not going to do that. That time is gone, I cannot get it back, and trying to would only stress my body and possibly send me back in to a dark hole like last week.

Lastly, I am going to remind myself that I am so much more than my pain and fatigue. It is a part of who I am, not all I am. Fibromyalgia took last week away from me, but this is a new week. I will continue to work towards progress in all areas of my life, because yes, even though my blog is all about Fibromyalgia, my life is not. Seems weird that I have to remind myself of that, but then if you have ever been through a flare, you know exactly what I mean.

Gluten is the complex protein found in wheat, barley, rye and some oats. For many, our bodies are unable to digest these proteins properly. That headache you experience after a meal of pasta may be an indicator that you are gluten intolerant. If you feel sleepy and lethargic after a French toast breakfast, your body may be having too hard a time trying to break down the food you are consuming.

New evidence suggests that as many as 1 in 7 are gluten sensitive, or gluten intolerant. Many chronic illnesses are associated with gluten intolerance: Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, rheumatoid arthritis, thyroid disorder, and diabetes. It is also thought to be the cause of infertility in some women. Gluten intolerance should not be confused with the less common and more severe auto-immune disorder, Celiac Disease.

If you suspect you may have sensitivity to gluten, consider eliminating it from your diet. All gluten intolerances are easily identified by an elimination diet. Start for a period of two weeks and remove all wheat, barley and rye based foods. It is helpful to keep a fibromyalgia food mood journal during this time, and log what you eat along with any symptoms you experience. If you have intolerance, improvements may be felt in just a few days. For myself, eliminating gluten from my diet quickly lead to massive improvements in the many symptoms I experience living with Fibromyalgia.

The first thing I noticed was an increase in energy. I began feeling less fatigued and sluggish. Then I noticed my head was feeling clearer, less foggy. Eventually I also noticed my back muscles were no longer on fire with pain, and my shoulder muscles seemed less tense. The thing that cinched it for me though was the improvement with my hands. The joints in my hands had become so painful I was certain I was developing arthritis. I had a hard time gripping and opening things, my coordination was off – I dropped things often, and my hands frequently woke me up throughout the night with throbbing and aching pains. After just ten days on a gluten-free diet there was a noticeable improvement. I needed no further proof that I am gluten intolerant.

Blood tests are available to test for gluten intolerance, but it is possible to test negative and still have sensitivity to gluten. The easiest way to test if you are intolerant is to simply eliminate it from your diet. It takes a commitment, and careful food preparation, but the benefits of improved health and wellbeing far outweigh the disadvantages. And if you are worried you may miss your favorite gluten based foods too much, don’t. With growing recognition of gluten intolerance comes a growing variety of substitutes and options. Eat well, be well.

Note: This is a reprint of an article I wrote for Optimal Nutrition’s monthly newsletter.

My Favorite Posts from the Last 30 Days

1. I Do Not Want to Think About Fibromyalgia Everyday - This post came on day three of my assignment when I realized the reason I have not been writing about Fibromyalgia everyday is because I do not want to THINK about Fibromyalgia everyday. I really enjoyed this post because I got to shout out loud, “I am more than my diagnosis!”
2. Secrets of My Soul - Every secret of a writer’s soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind is written large in his works. – Virginia Woolf. This is a piece from a creative non-fiction/personal essay class I am taking.
3. Conversation on Isolation - This started as a conversation in the comments of a previous post, but I made it into a new post to continue the conversation, and also to applaud the commenter, Kathy, for speaking out and holding me accountable for my word choice.
4. Practice May Not Make Perfect, But it Can Make a Habit - Hope that my 30-in-30 writing assignment will make writing more habitual for me.
5. Things I Love #6: My New Office - My new Fibromyalgia friendly office. Love it!
6. The Law of Detachment - In order to acquire anything in the physical universe, you have to relinquish your attachment to it – and how this applies to me and my support group.
7. Misery Loves Company - Where I proceed to rip apart the most ignorant, inaccurate and judgmental acupuncturist to every treat Fibromyalgia. His article perpetuates every negative and inaccurate assumption about Fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue.
8. My Six-Word Memoir - I have pain, therefore I am. NOTE: I have pain, but I am not my pain. Look for a post soon on “I am…”
9. Fibromyalgia Affects Everyone: An Interview with My Niece - I interviewed my 13 year old niece about her thoughts on having an Auntie with Fibromyalgia and how it affects her. Maybe my favorite of my favorite posts.

Most Informative Pieces from the Last 30 Days

1. Why I Love Yoga, and Why You Will Too - I cannot emphasis enough how much I have come to love yoga and the improvements in my symptoms since I began practicing several weeks ago. This post is my attempt to entice you to try yoga for yourself.
2. New Book on Fibromyalgia – Claims to Fill in the Missing Pieces - Information from a press release I received – not an endorsement.
3. Bloggers Unite for Fibromyalgia Awareness Day - On Fibromyalgia Awareness Day, I shared how some of my fellow bloggers acknowledged the significance of the day on their blogs. Great way to discover some new bloggers.
4. Review: Treating Fibromyalgia Naturally — So You Can Shine Again – From the womentowomen.com newsletter. I found this to be a very realistic, in touch and accurate assessment of Fibromyalgia.
5. Online Social Networking for Fibromyalgia Support and Information - Part one in my series on Fibromyalgia support and information – focus on social networking sites.
6. Online Forums for Fibromyalgia Support and Information - Part two in my series on Fibromyalgia support and information – focus on online forums and support groups.
7. Online Resources for Fibromyalgia Support and Information - Part three in my series on Fibromyalgia support and information – focus on blogs and general resources.
8. Join Hillary for Her Next Teleseminar - I continue to follow and recommend the meaningful work of Hillary Rubin and her inspirational message about embracing your diagnosis as a gift, teacher and blessing.
9. Self-hypnosis for Treatment of Fibromyalgia - Just one more possible tool for our toolboxes.

There were Three Holidays/Days of Observance in the Month of May

1. Are You Aware? Fibromyalgia Awareness Day is May 12 - In 1993, May 12 was designated as the International Awareness Day for Chronic Immunological and Neurological Diseases. The National Fibromyalgia Association (NFA) joined the Awareness Day effort in 1997 and has led the call for increased recognition of fibromyalgia each May 12.
2. In Honor of Every Mom Living with Chronic Illness - Happy Mother’s Day!
3. Take a Minute and Pause - In observance of Memorial Day.

Fun and Mindless Posts I Wrote on What Normally Would Have Been a Down Day

1. 15 Counterproductive, Needless, and Delaying Things I Did Today - I had a lot of fun with this post, and if you have not yet watched the 2 minute video on procrastination, it is a must! Maybe I should move this up into my favorite posts category.
2. Best Chocolate Cake Ever! Just Happens to be Gluten Free – Yummm!
3. It’s a Down Day – Example of a post I never would have written were it not for my assignment. It was day 12 and I was feeling awful, but committed to completing my assignment. Not much of an effort, but much better than giving up!
4. Taking the Easy Way Out – Day 13 was not much better, so I copied 25 Random Things About Me from my facebook page and posted it here. It was the easy way out, but it still honored my commitment. Yea me!
5. Recognize My Wall? – Just another bad day.
6. Another Careless Doctor to Avoid – Found something quick and simple to write about, but that doesn’t mean it is not worth the read.

So there it is, my last thirty days! I am seriously impressed with what I was able to accomplish, and very proud that I never gave up. There were moments – as early as day three – when I wondered “why did I do this to myself?” and I had several loving and caring people in my life tell me to take it easy and not demand too much of myself. It really would have been easy and perfectly understandable to quit on one of the many bad days I had throughout the month, but that is just not me.

Fibromyalgia has taken many things away from me, but I am still the same determined, stubborn and resilient person I have always been. I still have the abilities that made me a top sales rep at my previous job, I just need to apply them in a new and less demanding direction.

You know the saying “objects in motion stay in motion,” well this was my mantra when I was in sales. The more I got out there everyday to visit accounts, the more new accounts and new sales seemed to fall into my lap. Wouldn’t you know it, the same thing happened in the middle of this writing assignment. I picked up a new monthly newsletter that I am going to be writing for, and something else so exciting I have to wait until everything is finalized before I share it with you. Fibromyalgia or not, very cool things can happen if you believe in yourself, honor your passions, and never give up on your potential.

Watch this video with other great six-word memoirs from the book Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure.

What is your six-word memoir?

26/30

From Acupuncture Today. This quote picks up in the middle of an article written by Kaleb Montgomery, DTCM. He is expressing his frustrations over patients he has treated who stop coming, even though they are experiencing benefits. There might be a good message in there if he wasn’t so short sited. I am leaving my own comments and opinions bolded and in parenthesis throughout the article because it is fun and makes me feel good. Feel free to join me!

In another case, a woman with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue was referred to me because she was not progressing. This woman had so much pain in her jaw and teeth that she was unable to eat solid food. For the last six years, she had only eaten steamed vegetables and tofu pureed in a blender and slurped through a straw. I am not sure why she limited herself to just steamed veggies and tofu, I know that if pain limited my diet to liquid, those two foods would not be my first choice of sustenance (First judgmental comment here. He has charmed me already). As we will see, more likely her outrageously limited food choice was probably a reflection of the mental/emotional root of her illness (Of course she has mental and emotional problems, she has Fibromyalgia after all. What other explaination could there be for her food choice? She is crazy!).

Like the first example, we got great results in just a few treatments. After one treatment, her teeth felt so much better that she was able to eat fresh crispy lettuce for the first time in six years. In our next treatment, she told me that she asked her dentist if acupuncture could help tooth pain and he said no, so she was going to stop treatment even though she had continued to improve this week as well (Okay so the patient is a little short sited as well. Probably what made her an easy target for Mr. Montgomery). Needless to say, I was frustrated and tried to convince my patient that the dentist was wrong because she actually had improved. However she would not change her mind and I did not see her again.

Again, the story would have ended there except that I spoke to the health care provider that referred her to me in the first place. This time the health care provider called me because he was mystified by our patient’s behavior. This patient had come back to them for continued treatment. When he asked why she had stopped seeing me even though it was the only thing that worked, she insisted that she did not want to talk about it. Every treatment she came in and asked, “What can I do to get better,” and he would say “Why don’t you go back to see Kaleb?” She would refuse to talk about it and of course did not call me for more treatment (She sounds more scared and confused to me than mentally and/or emotionally unstable. Maybe they could have gotten further with her with compassion rather than frustration and labels).

For me the most interesting part of this story is not that she stopped coming for a treatment that was working. I eventually came to the conclusion that she was not ready to heal yet (This is a very really possibility and problem. Sometimes an illness becomes so much a part of who we are, it is hard to imagine our life without it. What if she was receiving disability and could not survive without it? Frightening to think of having to start over and redefine your life when you have been conditioned to live with and expect pain. If I was told tomorrow I was cured of FM, I am not sure I would trust it. It would take time to make the mental adjustment – time and compassion from my health practitioners. That does not make me mentally and emotionally unstable, that makes me human.). We all have gotten advice from friends, maybe about a bad relationship, that we dismiss to the eye-rolling dismay of our friends or family. Later on, when the situation plays out exactly as predicted by our friends, we say “Why didn’t you tell me!”

This patient could not yet let go of her disease. The fascinating bit for me is that she continued to spend her time and money to get a treatment that was not working and that she knew would probably not work. If she had just discontinued treatment and not gone back for more, then I would have still been frustrated but could have chalked it up to tight finances or her not being ready to heal thus far. However, the baffling part was that she still spent good money on ineffectual treatment. Why?

My guess is that like many fibromyalgia/chronic-fatigue patients, she used her illness to get attention, love and support from friends and family(OMG! What an idiot! Seriously! What can I say here? He is so clearly detached from the reality. Please, someone, say something intelligent for me here, because I got nothing but OMG!). She had forgotten how to get attention in a normal healthy way. I hypothesized that her support network would quickly get fed up with her if she stopped seeking treatment all together, so to keep up appearances and be able to play the “I am doing everything I can” card, she had to keep “trying” to get better (Really! Again, excellent hypothesis by a clearly compassionate and in-tuned healthcare provider – she says with extreme sarcasm. When can I get an appointment?) .

Nothing is quite as irritating as someone who is sick but is unwilling to try to help themselves (Unwilling? Confused maybe. Scared maybe. But unwilling? Never!). People stuck in that rut quickly find themselves alone and friendless. Being alone and friendless is not what my patient wanted. She wanted the attention, but needed to get/stay sick because it provider her an excuse for something (Without mentioning the obvious typo in this sentence, I am again just going to reply – Idiot!). I did not find out what this something was for her, but I have found it out in other patients. I find this pattern very common in fibromyalgia/chronic-fatigue patients. So common in fact that I will cut this off now and continue this train of thought in my next article by exploring fibromyalgia/chronic-fatigue more. (Ohhh! Can’t wait for the next article, in which you perpetuate every negative and inaccurate assumption about Fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. Do you have a newsletter? Sign me up!)

Initially I did not plan to share this article with you, but I hope that by shining a light on what is so grossly wrong about Mr. Montgomery’s way of thinking, less people will think like him. People with Fibromyalgia need compassion, support and understanding, not judgments and labels.

22/30

I have hit it – HARD!

On this side of my wall is -

Me

Pain

Fatigue

My icepack

Ibuprophen

My couch

And the last 3 episodes of Grey’s Anatomy

On the other side of the wall is -

My Brain

Energy

Motivation

Post #3 of my series on online support and information for Fibromyalgia

Look forward to seeing you again on the other side!

21/30

Today is the day I ignore my phone, stay off the computer and catch up on my DVR. I will try not to get stressed over my lack of productivity and just give into it, because if I do, maybe I will only feel this bad for today. Maybe tomorrow I will wake up feeling a little better.

I will drink a lot of water today, even more than the A LOT that I normally drink. I have said this over and over to anyone who will listen – drinking a lot of water is the best thing I do for myself everyday. Today I need to do better. I feel especially toxic today. Water will help flush all that yuckiness out.

Is yuckiness a word? I make up words on days like today. Maybe I will start a new Fibromyalgia urban dictionary. Not today though. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow when I wake up feeling better I will get started on it. It can definitely wait until tomorrow.

12/30

I honor and respect each of you so very much! My hope for you is that today you have the chance to focus on you and be a little self-indulgent. All moms have a hard and important job. All moms face struggles and adversity in their roles as guardians and protectors. But moms with Fibromyalgia and chronic illness are exceptional, because you do it all in a cloud of pain and fatigue. When I wonder where you get the energy for it, there is only one place I can imagine – from your hearts.

Happy Mother's Day

9/30