After my first week I am feeling pretty good. I am back in sales. It is what I know and what I have done well for many years. I am really excited about the company I am with now. Very smart, professional internet marketing firm. Great potential for me as long as I do the work and maintain my health. And that is exactly what I plan to do.

I think what I am most concerned about is maintaining balance in my life. For example, I did not make it to yoga this week. My body is letting me know loud and clear that I need to get to a class soon. I have a lot of motivation to make that happen.

I didn’t realize how much I missed being a working professional. I love getting dressed up, getting motivated during sales meetings, going out and meeting with clients and strategizing with them on business opportunities. It is a completely different kind of satisfaction than the satisfaction I have experienced with FibroHaven – plus I get paid for it! Bonus!

I know I am in the honeymoon period with my new career. I know there will be days when I will feel awful and either have to push through it or take the time to recover. But it feels great to contribute again, and it feels even better to know that I did the work to prepare myself to go back to work. I made the changes and the choices that I knew would benefit me. I made the commitment to myself to take back a measurable amount of control of my health and my life.

When I signed on with my new company, I did so as a long-term commitment. But FibroHaven is my long-term commitment too. I plan to document my progress here, sharing what is working and what is not. Discecting what I can do better, and continuing to explore the many alternative and holistic options for better health and wellbeing. I am putting different stresses on my body now, so I may require different tools – like acupuncture. I have always believed I would benefit from acupuncture but could never afford it. Now maybe I can. It is like investing in a good business suit. Neccessary!

So yes, the tone here will be changing – but the voice will remain the same – all me. I will have some big decisions to make about my support group too. That may be a commitment I cannot continue, but there is time to figure that out. I have time. I have options. I have hope.

I saw this great quote on facebook the other day and I put it in my status:

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can’t make it through one door, I’ll go through another door – or I’ll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present. ~ Rabindranath Tagore

There is always a door. One way or another, there is always a door.

We all know that. So if change is constant, the only variable then is in our ability to adapt.

I was watching the Amazing Race Sunday night. It really is an interesting study on human nature and the ability to adapt to constant change – to the unknown. It is remarkable how certain temperaments rise to the top as they excel at adapting to unknown situations, while others battle themselves and their own teammates while flailing wildly at the unknown.

The ever important clue box is a great example of what I mean. Teams are given a general direction and told “that is where you will find your next clue.” So each team approaches the area not sure exactly where they must go.

Some teams calmly read their directions for more clues and talk it through, looking around together until they spot the box.

Other teams divide up to cover more ground, keeping each other updated and staying connected with their voices.

Then there are the teams that run around wildly yelling at each other, oblivious to the details of their surroundings. These are the teams that usually run past the box three or four times before spotting it. They are frantic and manic. They are out of breath, angry with each other, and completely out of tune with their environment.

For years my husband and I have joked we would make a great team on the Amazing Race. If I had to judge, I would say we would be most like the first team type – sticking together to take in our surroundings and find the clues. In fact, I am certain that is the kind of team we would be.

Change is not coming. Change is here.

Last Thursday my husband called me in the middle of his work day, except it was no longer a work day for him. After surviving many rounds of layoffs, this time he was the one terminated. He was calm when he relayed this life altering news to me. “Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no,” was the only thing I could say. But he calmed me down and told me the one thing I believe to be universally true, “We are going to be okay.”

As soon as I slowed down long enough to recognize his calmness and listen to the truth in his words, I knew it was true. We are going to be okay.

Where we have been.

After the accident in late 2006, I tried to get back to working full-time, but my body could not handle the stress of it. My symptoms continued to worsen to the point that we both realized what I needed most was time. After much consideration, and resolving ourselves to the financial adjustments we would need to make, I quit working and have been focusing on my health and wellbeing ever since.

FibroHaven is the product of my time away from working, and I am so proud of what I have created – my blog, my support group, and my facebook community. It is through all of the FibroHaven components that I have learned so much more about who I am, why I have Fibromyalgia, and what I can do to improve my quality of life. I have a new spiritual awareness attained through the many mind-body practices I have introduced to my life, like yoga and meditation.

Each step of my journey away from work and with FibroHaven, whether I was struggling or succeeding, my husband was right there with me – taking it all in, and trying to interpret what it all means.

The time away from the stress of working has been a true gift to me. It has not been easy on our lifestyle. We gave up a lot of the comfort and luxuries that comes with two incomes. I am not healed, I am not cured, but I am better. Well enough that I know it is time for me to contribute again.

Strangely enough, something happened this week to reinforce that it is time for me to change my focus. Everyday I spend a lot of time on FibroHaven’s facebook page. It was a great complement to my blog, and a quick way to share timely, relevant links and Fibromyalgia resources. I was very happy with the work I had been doing.

Monday morning I shared my most recent blog post there, and then went off to my noon yoga class. When I came home and sat down at my computer I headed straight for facebook, but my page was gone:

The page you requested was not found.

It was like a shot to my gut – another loss. All that work gone. Disappeared! Sickening.

Today, I am kind of over it. Sad, yes. Disappointed, sure. But I recognize how much time and effort I spent on it and I realize that my time and effort are best suited elsewhere now.

You see I am part of a team, and my team has had a set back. But we are not out of the race. No way!

Where we are going.

We are not out of the race, because together we have calmly taken in our surroundings and recognized what we need to do to move on. My husband is a talented man. He will find work again. But in the meantime, I need to come off sabbatical and contribute. This means less time to spend on FibroHaven.

Not to worry. My blog is here to stay. I will just have less time for all the ancillary projects – like the now gone facebook page, and like my local support group. I am cutting meetings from two a month down to one, and I will be asking for someone to step up and assist me in running the group. There were also several other things I have been working on that will either not happen, or will have to wait.

Yesterday was our 6 year wedding anniversary. We spent the day focused and excited about our future. Change is here and we are ready to adapt – calmly, and together. I can’t wait to see where the next clue takes us.