I was standing in my favorite Starbucks last week. My mood was heavy and pensive – wondering about my current path and recent choices, lamenting my time away from FibroHaven – and then I read this on the cover of a beautiful book of quotations:

Throughout your life there’s a voice that only you can hear. It’s a call to the true value of your life – a call to make a difference that only you can make. If you never hear it, something magical will be lost. But if you hear it and heed it, then your life will become a wonderful romance and adventure. Now is the time. Jump in. Make a splash. Change the world.

Romance, adventure, a magical life – isn’t that what we all want? What we all hope to achieve? My voice is telling me I am not currently on that path, but that is okay, because I can hear my voice, and I trust it to guide me back. I trust me. I trust my journey, with all its offshoots and distractions. Today my splash is little, a ripple really, but I am building up momentum for a giant cannonball.

What is your voice telling you? Are you ready for a little romance and adventure?

What did you do?

I’ve been asked this question a lot since returning to work. What did you do before this? It is an interesting question and I don’t think I have decided how to answer it yet.

Do I tell them about the accident that brought my life to a screeching hault? Do I tell them about the months spent struggling to regain my ability to speak coherently? Do I tell them about the pain, the bouts of depression, the fatigue, and general disconnect from life? Do I tell them about starting this blog? Do I tell them how I was so inspired by this blog I started FibroHaven Foundation?

No, I don’t think I should. Essentially what they are asking me is how are you qualified to be in this position? What have you done in your past to allow you to do what you are doing in your present? They want to know what I have done, not what I have been through.

I had many successful years working with Fibromyalgia before the accident. I am plenty qualified. But I am also concerned about how my illness may be perceived. It is something we have discussed at support group meetings in the past. Do you tell your employer/prospective employer that you are living with a chronic illness? If ever there was a slippery slope…

My current employer knows all about FibroHaven and seems completely unphased by it. He is actually quite impressed with what I have accomplished. But early on in my job search I am certain I was not chosen for a position because my potential employer read my blog. He basically patted me on the back and said “You are doing great things with FibroHaven. Keep it up.” This came shortly after he mentioned he has two close relatives with Fibromyalgia. Do you think his experience with them prejudiced his value of me? I do.

So how much do I share? I am not sure. The only thing I am certain of is that I do not want my diagnosis of Fibromyalgia to influence what my colleagues think I am capable of doing. I want my actions to determine my value, not my diagnosis.

I am thankful.

I am thankful for my smart, funny and charming husband. I am thankful for the years he selflessly held us together while never making me feel inadequate. I am thankful for his companionship, his commitment to our partnership, and his unending loyalty, support, and love.

I am thankful for my parents. For all the words of wisdom and encouragement when I need them most. For instilling in me the belief that there is nothing I can’t do. For loving me unconditionally. For letting me find my own way, but always being there for me when I need them.

I am thankful for my sis. For checking in on me nearly every day to see how I am doing – regardless of what is going on in her life. I am thankful that she loves me completely without expecting anything in return. I am thankful for our sister lunches and the quality time we spend together.

I am thankful for all my family – My Granny, Aunts, Uncles, Nieces, Nephews, Cousins, and for the family I married into. I scored with my in-laws! I understand how fortunate I am to have such a loving extended family, and I am very thankful for each and every one of them.

I am thankful for my friends – old & new. My friends who know me sometimes better than my family. My friends who love and support me regardless of what I am able to contribute to our friendship. My friends who understand when I need to cancel a lunch date or head home early from an evening out. I am thankful for my awesome friends!

I am thankful for my new job, and for my new boss for seeing in me the potential to shine in his company, and for giving me the tools to do so. I am going to be a rockstar!

I am thankful for my Casey girl. I miss her so much this Thanksgiving. The first one without her in 14 years. I will miss her big soulful brown eyes pleading with me to share some Thanksgiving dinner. I will miss the way she greets all of our guests with joyful abandon. I will miss the gentle way she had with my Granny. I will miss the sound of her snoring after a long day of socializing with family. I miss her a lot – and am so thankful for the years we had together.

I am thankful for our current crazy critters – all four of them – and their unique and joyful personalities. Life is not dull around here.

I am thankful for the warm cup of coffee I am currently sipping, the fuzzy slippers on my feet, the blue sky out my window, and the waves crashing on the beach just down the street.

I am thankful for the potential of today and the promise of tomorrow.

I am thankful for the swirl of words in my head, and for my cold but nimble fingers that eagerly guide them to this page.

I am thankful for this page, and the many other pages that make up my blog. I am thankful for FibroHaven, in all its components.

And I am thankful for you! Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. It is a greater honor to me than you will ever know. Thank you if you have ever left a comment. Thank you if we have connected on twitter or facebook. Thank you for allowing my voice into your life.

Finally, I am thankful for everything that has happened in my life to lead me exactly where I am today – full of potential and promise.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I think you will be noticing a change in the tone of FibroHaven. For the past year I have been writing about all the changes I have made to improve my health – yoga, nutrition, support group, writing, etc.. Now that I am a working girl again, we will get to see first hand how much I have improved and what I need to do to maintain my current level of health.

After my first week I am feeling pretty good. I am back in sales. It is what I know and what I have done well for many years. I am really excited about the company I am with now. Very smart, professional internet marketing firm. Great potential for me as long as I do the work and maintain my health. And that is exactly what I plan to do.

I think what I am most concerned about is maintaining balance in my life. For example, I did not make it to yoga this week. My body is letting me know loud and clear that I need to get to a class soon. I have a lot of motivation to make that happen.

I didn’t realize how much I missed being a working professional. I love getting dressed up, getting motivated during sales meetings, going out and meeting with clients and strategizing with them on business opportunities. It is a completely different kind of satisfaction than the satisfaction I have experienced with FibroHaven – plus I get paid for it! Bonus!

I know I am in the honeymoon period with my new career. I know there will be days when I will feel awful and either have to push through it or take the time to recover. But it feels great to contribute again, and it feels even better to know that I did the work to prepare myself to go back to work. I made the changes and the choices that I knew would benefit me. I made the commitment to myself to take back a measurable amount of control of my health and my life.

When I signed on with my new company, I did so as a long-term commitment. But FibroHaven is my long-term commitment too. I plan to document my progress here, sharing what is working and what is not. Discecting what I can do better, and continuing to explore the many alternative and holistic options for better health and wellbeing. I am putting different stresses on my body now, so I may require different tools – like acupuncture. I have always believed I would benefit from acupuncture but could never afford it. Now maybe I can. It is like investing in a good business suit. Neccessary!

So yes, the tone here will be changing – but the voice will remain the same – all me. I will have some big decisions to make about my support group too. That may be a commitment I cannot continue, but there is time to figure that out. I have time. I have options. I have hope.

I saw this great quote on facebook the other day and I put it in my status:

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can’t make it through one door, I’ll go through another door – or I’ll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present. ~ Rabindranath Tagore

There is always a door. One way or another, there is always a door.

I am an adventurous cook. I experiment with ingredients and flavors, seldom making the same dish twice. My husband always encourages me to write my recipes down, but I much prefer to “wing it” and see what tasty concoction I can create next.

All the things that make me a spirited chef, make me a horrible baker. I simply have no tolerance for carefully measured preciseness. I learned long ago that baking is not my forte, and I avoid it accordingly.

That being said, I recently discovered the easiest and most delicious Gluten Free Peanut Butter Cookie recipe that even this girl can master. Simple, simple, simple!

Ingredients

• 1 egg
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup peanut butter, any kind
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 cup chocolate chips (optional)

Directions

• Preheat oven to 350º. Prepare pans: line with aluminum foil or parchment paper, or oil generously.
• Put all ingredients into food processor and pulse until well blended. Or mix thoroughly by hand.
• Make dough into (about) 36 evenly sized balls. Arrange balls on prepared pans leaving an inch or so between them. Add chocolate chips, if using, lightly pressing one or two into the top of cookie.
• Bake until they flatten out a bit and start to brown – 12 to 15 minutes.
• Remove from oven and leave on sheet for several minutes, until they begin to firm up, then carefully remove to cooling rack

Yum, yum, yum!

But this adventure chef could not leave well enough alone!

Gluten free cookies are great, but I wanted sugar free as well (link between sugar consumption and chronic pain), so I substituted 3/4 cup Agave Nectar for 1 cup sugar (adding the chocolate chips adds sugar, so leave them off if you want sugar free cookies). To compensate for substituting a liquid for a dry ingredient, I added 1 tablespoon of Bob’s Red Mill Gluten Free Baking Flour.

The result was a moist, chewy, peanut buttery delight! I baked the cookies Friday evening to take to a Halloween party on Saturday. The cookies were a big hit! If I had not told them they were gluten and sugar free, I doubt anyone would have known.

Cookie Disclaimer

Just because something is gluten and sugar free does not mean that it is nutritionally good for you. But this is the time of year we all know we are going to indulge a little. So if we are not always going to make the best possible choices, we can at least minimize some of the indulgence. And with this recipe, you won’t even realize you are making a sacrifice.