Today I pulled an Angel card that told me “Time-out! You’ve been so busy taking care of everyone else’s needs, but now it’s time to stop and take care of yourself.” I love my angels! This was exactly the perfect card for me today. But why did it take a message from my angels for me to acknowledge and give in to my need for rest?

How often do you know you are in need of rest, but simply push through and ignore all the messages your body is sending you? How often do you look to the needs of others before you look to the needs of yourself? If there is one generalization I can safely make about the people I know living with chronic illness, we all do this – if not all of the time, a lot of the time.

What if this could be different? What would it make possible if we chose to put our needs first? In my case, putting my need to rest on the top of my “To Do” list today will enable me to take on the other things on my list in a completely new way.

I will have more focus and clarity when I sit down to write a blog post.

I will be more likely to cook a healthy meal rather than rely on something quick, easy, and less than good for me.

I will appreciate the energy and enthusiasm of my silly dog Koko, rather than get overwhelmed by her need for my attention.

I will recover enough to go to my favorite yoga class tomorrow, rather than having to miss it because I finally crashed.

Resting when we are first in need of it, rather than waiting until we are forced into rest because our bodies completely crash, can actually help break the “overwhelm into crash” cycle.

Being at peace with the decision to put oneself first is a practice. If you are not used to putting your own wellbeing first, you are likely to feel discomfort or guilt in doing so. But what if in doing so you enrich rather than deplete all the people and things you are currently putting before you own wellbeing?

What can you commit to today to begin placing your own wellbeing at the top of your “To Do” list? How can you begin to work this muscle? What are your angels telling you?

Let’s face it, there are moments, days, weeks even when we are in need of support and simply don’t ask. Something gets in our way – pride, fear, avoidance – so we suffer and struggle through on our own, likely prolonging our misery. And then to complicate our misery even more we grumble to ourselves and complain that no one understands, no one cares. Sound familiar?

I know for myself, one of the hardest things in this world for me to do is to ask for help. And yet I still wonder and get frustrated when I feel I am misunderstood. It is a vicious little circle that I create for myself. I start with “Nothing to see here. No, I don’t need help, I am fine, I can manage this all on my own.” And then immediately jump to “Am I invisible? Can’t you see how I am suffering? You must not know me at all if you cannot see I am in need here.” Thus creating the perfect Lose/Lose scenario. No one wins, least of all me.

Breaking the Cycle

I see this cycle repeated often in my yoga classes. As a new teacher I learn more and more each day to listen to the silent language of body cues. Especially in my Restorative Yoga classes where students hold poses for long periods of time. I always state a few times for emphasis that I am their guide, but their body is their teacher, and if a posture doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. And if your body is signaling you that it wants to move, move. And if you feel like you need more props to support you, just signal me and I will bring them to you. Then we begin our practice, and it happens almost every time – I can see someone is uncomfortable and rather than do what is needed to find comfort, they try to struggle through it.

In yoga we always encourage finding the fine line between effort and ease and resting there. Rest is especially emphasized in Restorative Yoga – maximum benefits with minimal effort. So I allow each student the time to find their line before checking in with them. But if I see painful winces, and scrunched up noses, I immediately approach my students to support them in finding the right posture for their needs. Once their needs have been met, whether it is a change in how they are laying, or an extra prop for comfort, they let out a deep breath and relax into the posture. Often it takes persistence on my part for the student to accept the support I am trying to give them.

Even Yogis Have a Hard Time Asking for Help

They don’t want to bring attention to their discomfort – Don’t come over here and bring attention to me. Let’s just get through this.  

They don’t want to be a nuisance – I’m fine, I’m fine. I don’t need anything. Nothing to see here.

They don’t want to stand out or be different – Why can everyone else do it but not me? Everyone else is relaxing into it, why can’t I?

They think it is a matter of right or wrong – If I can’t do it there must be something wrong with me. Everyone else is doing it just fine. What’s wrong with me? Maybe I don’t belong here.

They think I don’t understand – No one understands this pain I am in. There is no point trying to explain it because you just won’t get it.

They think a certain amount of pain is normal and acceptable – I have had this pain in my hip forever. It always hurts and I just live with it. It is what it is.

It is easy for me to get into my student’s heads and understand the inner dialog, because that was me, not too long ago. If I cannot ask for help in my life, dealing every day with the unpredictable nature of chronic illness, how can I ever be expected to ask for help in a yoga class? The first step is in getting out of my head (see inner dialogue above) and opening myself up to the possibility that asking for and allowing support brings.

Taking the First Step

Like any other attitude or skill we want to develop, it starts with practice. Learning to ask for help – and then allowing that help into our lives (another skill altogether worthy of its own blog post) – is something we need to work at. And like everything else we take on, I say start small – baby steps. What is one thing you can ask for support with today? Don’t wait until tomorrow. Look at today. Pick something small. Ease yourself into it.

I can hear many of you protesting – again, inner dialog I understand because I have had the same conversations in my head many times – and I know you all have valid reasons for your protests. Primarily they are based in fear. I am encouraging you to be bold in the face of fear. What would it mean for your life if you asked for and received support when you need it? What would that make possible for you? A little comfort maybe? A little ease? Is that something you want more of in your life? If so, don’t be afraid to ask.

My current wellbeing is a result of the long-term work I have been doing nurturing my foundation – my soil – back to a fertile ground for planting seeds. Each seed I planted and carefully tended further enriched my soil, and is now blooming into the beautiful garden reflected in my improved quality of life. Through my slow and determined efforts, the seeds of healing I spent years planting are finally coming into bloom. I may be lucky to have such a beautiful garden, but I have tilled, weeded, and nurtured myself into this great fortune.

So how did I begin? And how can you begin? For each of us, our gardens and the tending they need are different. That is the nature of chronic illness. We all experience it differently, and what works for one person may not work for the next. I began many years ago with the belief that my life could be more than my illness; that I am more than my illness. I had moments, days, weeks even when I got bogged down in the complexity of it all and struggled with the feeling that I would never get better, but the core of me never believed that. Hope was always present. So, like so many with chronic illness, I began to explore, research, read, and experiment to find what worked and what didn’t work.

Depending on how long you have been living with your illness, it is safe to say the soil of your garden is likely depleted. Probably not the most fertile and nurturing place to grow from. But even the most depleted soil can be nourished back to a state of fertility, a place from which growth and beauty can be experienced and seen.

My soil became more fertile when I eliminated gluten from my diet, and then again when I began yoga. Neither were an instant or complete fix to my symptoms. Both took time and nurturing to develop and progress. There were frequent frustrations, difficulties, and setbacks. But I continued on because with both I could feel my soil coming to life again. I could feel that the benefits far outweighed the frustrations, difficulties, and setbacks. I could feel that I was getting stronger, and with that strength came the ability to tend to my garden even more. And so my luck began.

Luck is not random. If it falls more easily to some than others, it is because they created a fertile and open space for luck to appear. How can you begin to create your own good fortune? How can you begin to nurture your depleted soil? What kind of seeds will you tend to in your garden? There is no magic pill, no overnight fix, no healing through wishes or osmosis. Does a beautiful garden flourish without tending and effort? There is still a beautiful garden within you, and it needs and deserves your attention. You deserve to experience the good fortune of your efforts. Where will you begin?

The Optimists Creed

Promise Yourself
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

~Christian D. Larson

I am constantly growing, learning, and working towards a better me. FibroHaven is a reflection of that, and I want to personally thank each and every one of you who has taken the time to read a post, leave a comment, send me a message,  and interact with each other. It is a reflection of your own desires to grow, learn, and work towards a better YOU.

So today I am celebrating YOU, because you are FibroHaven! Thank you for making this community what it is. May we continue to see the sunny side of everything, expect only the best, and live in faith that the world is on our side.

Much Love & Many Blessings,
~Dannette

In her program The Eat to Beat Fibromyalgia Challenge, Deirdre Rawlings, PhD, ND, “presents a hand-held approach to removing the barriers to you having your body be pain-free so you can have more freedom to live life exactly how you want to.” In this 90-day group coaching system, Dr. Rawlings leads participants through her four Pillar system and guides them through the process with the help of guest medical experts.

Sounds great, but you are certain you can’t afford it?

Did you happen to notice this is a Giveaway?

From Deirdre Rawlings, Phd, ND.

Who Else Wants to End the Battle against Pain and Fatigue Using the Healing Powers of Food and Nutrition So You Can Feel Good Again?

Well today may be your lucky day because…

Deirdre Rawlings, PhD, ND, the creator of The Eat to Beat Fibromyalgia Challenge, is giving away 3 FREE scholarships to 3 people who cannot afford to pay for the program but would love to be a part of it. This is a $297 Value!

Here’s how to participate: Nominate a friend in need or yourself and tell us your circumstances and why you want to be part of this program and what you hope to get out of it.

We will select 3 people by this Friday, October 7 and help you on your way to feeling lighter, brighter, happier, and healthier!

Program runs from Oct. 4 to Dec. 20 — so Hurry and get your entries in!

Learn more about the program here:  www.eattobeatfibromyalgia.com

Thank you Deirdre for this wonderful opportunity, and for asking FibroHaven to help you promote it.

How to nominate.

You can nominate a friend or yourself in three different ways. Which ever way you choose, be sure to state your circumstances and tell why you/your friend want to be a part of the program and what you/your friend hope to get out of it.

1. Leave a comment here on this blog post.

2. Leave a comment on this post on FibroHaven’s Facebook page.

3. Leave a comment on the Foods for Fibromyalgia Facebook page.

4. Email Deirdre directly at support@nutritionliving.com.

Act quickly! Winners will be announced this Friday, October 7th. Good luck!

Deirdre Rawlings is a board-certified naturopathic doctor and holistic health practitioner whose mission and purpose is to empower you with cutting-edge health and nutrition information with which to help you live a long and healthy life. Deirdre is a certified holistic nutritionist, master herbalist, and a certified health & wellness coach and graduated with a PhD in holistic nutrition from Clayton College of Natural Health. She has written hundreds of health and nutrition articles and her recent book Food that Helps Win the Battle against Fibromyalgia, (published by Fairwinds Press, July, 2008), is endorsed by leading health authorities and experts such as Jacob Teitelbaum, MD, Stephen Sinatra, MD, and Jonny Bowden, PhD.

Celebrating Showing Up

On this day last year, I showed up for my very first day of yoga teacher training. I showed up, and I wasn’t even enrolled. I was #7 on the wait list, but sitting home, waiting for an email letting me know a space had opened up didn’t feel right, so I showed up.

And the class was full, and there wasn’t a space, but I approached the teacher anyways, and before she could tell me “No, sorry, there is no space for you.” I had blurted out my story – “14 years of chronic illness, was introduced to yoga last year, the only movement I have been able to do, feeling so much better, want to understand why, want to share with others…” “Okay, okay” she said to me,” go sit down. You are in.”

Those three little words changed my life. Literally. This past year has been a roller coaster of self discovery, improved health, and a deeper, more meaningful existence. I see the world with a completely new lens, a more loving, compassionate, and hopeful lens. And it is all do to the practice and philosophy of yoga – and to the fact that I keep showing up – even with my ever present chronic illness and when the old instincts to shut down, isolate, and retreat are loudly screaming at me. I grab my mat, step out the door, and do the best I can that day. And if my best is just being there, that is what I do. I show up.

Celebrating My Birthday & Re-Birthday

On this day last year I was reborn, a new person, a new me. And I really like the new me. I still have a lot of kinks to work out, and a lot more to explore and discover about myself. It is a lifelong process. But the changes have been radical and significant. And here is the really cool thing about this day. It is my actual birthday. I was born on this day 42 years ago. For 42 years on this day I have celebrated my birthday, but today this day has new and deeper significance.

I didn’t have to show up to yoga school on this day last year, in fact I almost didn’t. I told myself it was just not meant to be at that time, and I could sign up again when the new program began. In fact, I had convinced myself it was a good thing I did not get in because it meant I would have more time to heal and strengthen my body, and to improve my personal practice. But something drove me to show up – my gut, my intuition, my desire to heal. I am so glad I listened.

Celebrating You

So today I have a lot to celebrate. Today is a very good day. And I am so fortunate and blessed to have this wonderful community to share my happiness with. Yes, I created FibroHaven, and yes, I organize and facilitate FibroHaven, but it would be nothing if not for you. If not for each of you who shows up in your own way – at local meetings, leaving comments on this blog, commenting and interacting on our incredible Facebook page – if not for each of you showing up, there would be no community. So thank you – thank you for adding to my blessings and giving me so much to celebrate today and everyday.

I am committed to continue to bring all my growth, improvements, and insights back to FibroHaven. Look for a new post in The Blue Print Series soon, and other exciting news about what I am doing personally that is going to help enrich our community. I have said it before, but never tire of saying it – Community is Everything.

Thank you!

Much Love & Celebration,

Dannette

But I was never happy or content with that state of being. Who is? Who could possibly be? Even when we reach a state of acceptance with our illness, it does not mean that we are content living with it. I was certainly not content – a shell of my former self, and a shell of the person I could still feel inside of me. My true essence is not that of a sick person. My true essence is beauty, strength, light, love, and possibility! And I could feel each element deep inside me just waiting to burst through. Something had to change!

So I changed the only thing I had any amount of control over – ME!

Actually I did not change me so much are get reconnected with ME – the me deep inside that I had lost touch with over my many years of illness. She hadn’t gone away, she simply had been neglected. And the first thing I did to reconnect with her was to forgive myself for neglecting her, for neglecting ME. I had been doing my very best to cope with my illness given the skills and understanding I had available to me at the time. As we all know there is no manual on how to live with chronic illness. It is a complete process of trial and error. We are the pioneers of fibromyalgia. So where to begin?

I began with the simple belief that my life had much more meaning than my illness. I began to listen to my intuition, which told me things could be different, things could change. I allowed my true essence to become louder than my doubt, worry, frustration, and fear. I gave more authority to ME and less to my illness. I opened my heart to the truth of ME and began to allow hope and joy back into my life. I worked hard at not letting the once loud voice of my illness, which at times drowned out any other sounds, to again become the only thing I could hear.

And I did more work. Slowly, yet regularly I began practices and behaviors that reinforced ME and turned down the volume of my illness. I completely changed the way I ate – no more gluten, and a lot more veggies, nothing processed, everything fresh. I began a regular yoga practice, starting once or twice a month in the extra gentle, senior class, and slowly progressing over two years time until here I am today, teaching gentle yoga and practicing regularly. I began reading books, magazines, and web content that enhanced and reinforced my new focus. I found a local spiritual community where I feel love, hope, and an even greater connection to the essence of ME. I could go on and on, describing the ways I have worked over the past two years to reconnect with me, and disconnect with my illness, but I think you get the point.

I am not symptom free. I likely never will be. But what I am is hopeful, and happy, and whole. I am whole despite what is missing. I am whole despite what is different. I am whole despite my symptoms. I am whole because I am again living from my true essence, not from my illness.

We are all so unique and valuable. I believe we feel pain so intensely because we feel everything intensely. It is exactly our capacity to love that gives us this incredible capacity to hurt. We can chose to focus on the love, and the essence of our being, rather than on the pain and symptoms of our illness. It is not living in denial. It is not mind over matter. It is essence over illness. You are so much more than your illness! And you illness can never diminish or extinguish your true essence. You were born with it, and you will die with. Now is the perfect time to find your own way to tune into it and let it once again become what you live from. Your formula will be your own. You know what makes your heart sing. You know what makes you feel like a complete and whole being. You know what makes you YOU! Find a way to spend more time there. You are love, you are light, you are beauty, and you are hope! The world needs more of YOU!

(self reflection photo courtesy of www.jennypalu.com/selfreflection.html)

Healing from chronic illness is so much more complicated than just treating the symptoms. Prescription meds may help us cope, but they do not correct the original imbalances that led to dis-ease. And with difficult-to-understand illnesses like fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, it is not always possible to pinpoint just one specific cause. Often it is a series of causes like a traumatic event experienced while in the midsts of some other type of recurring life stressors. There are many different types of traumas that can lead to chronic illness – physical, emotional, viral, environmental. With so many possible factors, it is easy to see why treatment is so difficult.

Knowing your trigger.

When putting together my blueprint, it was easy for me to pinpoint the exact moment when my trigger was switched – the day I broke the porcelain toilet with my head. Yes, I would definitely say that qualifies as a trigger. And the immediate downward spiral of my health from that day on is a clear indicator that the physical trauma opened the door to chronic illness. So I can with confidence say that my trigger was physical. That is the easy part. But what I must also consider is how my lifestyle leading up to the trauma left me predisposed to developing chronic illness.

Not everyone who suffers a debilitation head trauma ends up with fibromyalgia.

The concussion and brain trauma that resulted were expected outcomes to the physical trauma, but the pain and fatigue that increased daily were not. So why did I end up with fibromyalgia after the head trauma? Was I genetically predisposed to it? Did my lifestyle leading up to the accident leave me vulnerable to chronic illness? In both cases I believe the answer to be yes. But I am not a medical professional, and I cannot change or debate my genetics, so I am only going to focus on my lifestyle leading up to the event.

Busier is not always better.

I had what I thought at the time to be a very healthy and active lifestyle. I had a great job, a fun and active social life, I exercised regularly, ate well, was in a healthy relationship  - sounds pretty perfect, right? Well upon reflection it was not so perfect after all. In reality I was wound so tight that I was just waiting to snap. I never said no to anything. I was always on the go, never really taking the time to relax and enjoy my life. I was simply pushing through one experience to get to the next, like a small child who won’t drift off to sleep for fear of missing out on something. I had to be engaged and involved in everything because it was how I defined myself – “I am Dannette, the girl with the most active and full life ever!” With or without the head trauma, my lifestyle was eventually going to catch up with me. A crash was inevitable.

So while I can easily state that my trigger was physical, the depleted state of my being leading up to the physical trauma likely left me vulnerable to the prolonged crash of chronic illness.

Why is it so important to understand all of this? Again, I am not a medical professional, so this is all theory on my part based on living many years with chronic illness, and my current experience with improved health. The reason I think it is so important to understand the trigger is because I believe it will best inform how we should approach our own unique blueprints for healing.

My trauma was physical and so is my treatment.

Unless this is your first time reading my blog, you know that I directly attribute the healing I am experiencing to my regular practice of yoga. I was very athletic leading up to my accident, and tried many times over the course of the first 13 years of my illness to return to my former athletic ways, only to fail and end up in miserable pain. When I discovered the healing powers of gentle and restorative yoga, my body responded immediately. I found movement without pain! And because of the neurological nature of FM, yoga is an excellent mindful movement to practice as it regulates and balances the central nervous system.

I did not have any viral issues to address, like so many people with FM and CFS do, so in a way I am fortunate. My blueprint is pretty direct. I have seen tremendous improvements by incorporating gentle movement back into my life, and by addressing several other contributing issues like food allergies (eliminating gluten), and toxicity (heavy metals).

Of course this is a simplified explanation of the many years of trial and error it took me to piece my blueprint together, but I believe if each of us take the steps to really address and acknowledge our triggers, we can begin to piece together a blueprint for healing. Take a long and truthful glance back on your life before the trigger. Were there other factors of your lifestyle that may have left you vulnerable? A difficult marriage or childhood? This would require adding an emotional healing component to your blueprint. Do you see where I am going with this?

I am no longer the girl who thinks I need to say yes to everyone and everything. In fact I try very hard to participate in only things that nourish me, and eliminate people and activities from my life that do not. Healing requires effort, and sometimes we have to make hard choices. It also requires us to be able to honestly reflect on how we, unknowingly or not, contribute to our own illness. It is only with awareness that we can make progress. So if you are ready to begin you blueprint, start here: What’s your trigger?

Asking for help is something I have never been good at, and accepting unsolicited help is even harder for me. This is something I have been working on as I feel it is due to an unhealthy amount of pride and ego. I never like to seem weak or vulnerable. Very primal of me really, like a pack animal that hides illness or injury to continue to blend in with the herd and not appear like easy prey. It is a useful survival instinct, but one that has not always served me well.

And I need look no further than FibroHaven to see the wonderful results of asking for and accepting help. Take a quick look around this website and you can see my attention has been elsewhere lately. And as I shared recently, it is not from a lack of love or interest, it is simply a choice to spend my time and energy where it is best suited right now and not wear myself out by doing more than serves me.

So there have been very few blog posts and local support group meetings, and only sporadic Facebook updates. FibroHaven had definitely lost some momentum. And people noticed. And as I began thinking about how I could address the situation I remembered an offer of help that had come to me some months previous. One of the most active, friendly, and positive members of our online community had generously offered to get more involved with FH and help in any way that she could. So I contacted her and asked if she would be interested in becoming an admin on our Facebook page. To my delight she said yes and our Facebook community has never been better!

Pascale has enlivened the page with new energy and interest – sharing everything from relaxing meditations to important information on tinnitus. People are engaged and interested, offering their opinions and experiences and caring when others offer theirs. Each time I check in I see there are new members and new conversations on interesting topics. And because we all experience FM and chronic illness differently, I am realizing how important and useful it is to have more than one voice posting and encouraging conversation.

When Pascale first extended her offer of help, I was interested, but not clear on how I would utilize her. But when the time was right and the need increasingly apparent, it became very clear. I am so glad I reached back out to her and asked. And I am so proud to have her as a new voice for FH and in our FM community. And judging by the many conversations going on over there right now, so are you!

So please join me in welcoming Pascale, and thanking her for stepping in when it was most needed. Like all of us, she is doing this while continuously learning to live well with chronic illness. Some days we manage better than others. Somedays our voices are lively and active, and somedays we need to retreat. But with such a wonderful and caring community to return to, you can be sure FibroHaven will continue to inform, encourage, and inspire.

And thank you to The Fibromyalgia Network for taking notice of the new energy on FibroHaven and sharing our page with your community. You have been a positive and informative resource for all of us for many years. The work you do in invaluable!

Much Love,
Dannette