Fibromyalgia: The Great Momentum Equalizer
Wow! Last week was bad. Hell really. One of my most intense flare-ups I have had in a while; the kind of pain and fatigue that literally distorts your facial features. The few times I bothered to look in the mirror last week and take inventory, I was amazed at how awful the stranger peering back at me looked. It was a really long week. It was nothing new. We have all been there. We will all be there again. Then why, each time I suffer that severe of a flare, does it all seem so desperate and unending?
Fibromyalgia is such a bitch! Just go back and read my last post written on a good day when I was feeling lucky and supported. How dramatically different is this post. Don’t get me wrong. It is not that I am all of a sudden sad and hopeless, I am just once again humbled by the overwhelming nature of Fibromyalgia. I was just given a very firm and intense reminder of the unpredictable and debilitating status of my health.
Today is a new day, the start of a new week. The mirror is kinder and gentler today. Everything in my life that was put on hold last week is still here this week. My blog! Oh how I miss my blog on the days I am down and out. It is my lifeline. Those of you who left comments – even though I did not reply to them, they really helped me feel connected during my flare – THANK YOU!
So, now to regain my momentum. First thing, now that my brain is starting to function again, is to make a list of all the things I want to accomplish. Second, remind myself to take it day by day. No pressure, just keep moving forward and progress will happen. Third, honor my limits. It is so easy once you get on the good side of a flare up to try and make up for all the time lost. I am not going to do that. That time is gone, I cannot get it back, and trying to would only stress my body and possibly send me back in to a dark hole like last week.
Lastly, I am going to remind myself that I am so much more than my pain and fatigue. It is a part of who I am, not all I am. Fibromyalgia took last week away from me, but this is a new week. I will continue to work towards progress in all areas of my life, because yes, even though my blog is all about Fibromyalgia, my life is not. Seems weird that I have to remind myself of that, but then if you have ever been through a flare, you know exactly what I mean.
It is amazing how pain can make you look different. On the days when I’m in a ton of pain I look so sick, miserable, and worn down. Luckily there are good days huh? lol
Jenn
Hey, I’m so sorry. I had no idea you were having a flare up! I wish I had the support you had . So hard with a demanding 11 year old son who has his own issues, bless him. And all those things you are wanting to get done surprisingly enough will still be there, waiting for you when your better. I am always glad to see your blog and know you are with us all. Hope you enjoyed the movie, considering what it was.
I’ve been through the same physical and emotional condition the last 10 days!!! A bad fms flare!! And in my head I had the same thoughts! Isnt it unbelievable?
Each flare seems like the first time we have it. Each flare make us feel so helpless becouse of the pain, even though we have lived it before. In each flare we fall..and then we have to stand up again!
But from now on I will try to remember that fibromyalgia has a good thing…we experience the same issues,same thoughts..we are not alone!!!
Dannette, I wish this thought will keep you alive and strong when a bad flare comes!!!
Thank you! My wish is the same for you, and for all of us who suffer with FM & chronic illness.
I hope your flare passes soon. I think it is so great and important that even in the midst of a flare you take the time to connect with people on their blogs. You are giving yourself a great gift and helping combat isolation. I need to learn to be more like you. My instinct is stay away from the world when I am in a flare, but then I shut myself out from everyone who could help me. Thanks for the lesson!
I’m sorry last week was so horrible for you. I know we have to expect to lose weeks like that, but it’s always such an unpleasant surprise for me. I never see it coming and I struggle so hard against it. And I’m like you, I tend to shut myself away from everyone during those times.
I’m glad you are feeling better this week and I’m glad you are wise enough to take it slow instead of trying to make up for last week. That’s a lesson I need to learn! Take care!
Every single time it happens it’s like reliving the first time again. I just can’t understand it. It’s kind of like childbirth. When it’s happening it is hell, but then a week later its like amnesia has set in and the pain seems so far away and I begin to feel hopeful and ambitious again. Isn’t it so hard to remember to “honor your limitations”?
I really feel for you. Yesterday I had a good day and was so happy that I actually got some stuff done. Today I couldn’t get out of bed and it can be so frustrating! onwards and upwards …
first time blogging, first glimpse at a shared experience of living with fibro Tears of joy and gratitude –I’m not alone with this fibro. I’ve learned so much already. Thank you from the bottom of my once lonely heart!
Hi, I was recently diag. with Fibromyalgia. It is such a relief to read the thoughts that are so identical to my own. At times I think I have simply slipped into insanity, because on the good days this seems impossible to believe. I keep thinking that I have brought this upon myself… Thank you each one of you for your posts. I will continue to stop by. Debbie/Oklahoma
Yes, luckily! The trick is to remember that there will be a good day when you are in the middle of a bad. It is so great to be able to share our experiences with each other.
BTW, I just had a teen girl join my local support group today. She is my first teen member but I know there are so many more out there. I am going to direct her to your blog. Maybe even encourage her to start one of her own. I think writing is a great form of meditation and therapy.
Thanks for the beautiful voice you have added to this ugly disorder!
Yes, we have been out of contact for way too long. I miss you at the meetings. Hope you can make one soon.
I know things are especially hard trying to manage your own health along with your son’s. I caught a little glimpse of what it must be like last week during my flare. I had my niece here with me, and she was pretty sick with a stomach virus. It was so hard to try and take care of her when all I wanted to do was crawl under my covers and hide for a few days. Poor baby, I felt so bad for her and did the best I could – just like you do everyday.
You know you always have my support. I know you are too proud to ask, so I will just keep reminding you and bugging you until you are ready. Be well my friend!
Thanks! The more young adults I can help, the better! If she wants to talk or vent or anything, please pass along my e-mail (the same goes for you as well =): phoenixrayn07@aol.com
Jenn
Tiffany you nailed it. I remember I used to always think there was “no way I could have fibro” when I was having good days. And then I’d get taken out at the knees…or clotheslined…again. Now it just feels like a never ending battle to have a good day.
Our brains and bodies are so kind to not have long term memory. Could you imagine if we never had the moments when we “forget” how awful it can get? I love the days when the pain seems far away!
Thanks Trisha. As you can tell by my blogging frequency, I have been taking it easy, and am actually starting feel pretty good.
“I never see it coming and I struggle so hard against it.” So true!
P.S. I loved your Summer Reading post. It made me want to take a photo of all the books on my night stand too!
I think we all have a tendency to over do it on our good days and ultimately we always pay the price. I hope you are feeling better Adee. I am finally, and it is hard to believe I was feeling that bad so short a time ago.
Connie I am so thankful for your tears of joy and gratitude. Isn’t it comforting to know we are not alone? That is my purpose for this blog – to share my story in the hopes of making a difference. I am touched by your emotional response, and hope you come back and comment frequently.
Thanks for reaching out here Debbie. Please, please, please let go of any belief that you brought this on yourself. Guilt is such a damaging emotion. The best thing you can do from this moment forward is honor the reality of your condition, and start to slowly make the changes that will improve your life. You may never be as healthy as you once were, but there are many things you can do to make living with FM more bearable.
Start with loving yourself, and believing that you deserve to be happy and healthy. Because you do!