The first thing I would say is carefully and honestly examine what could possibly be contributing to your flare – stress, foods, overexertion, sleep hygiene etc. – and remove it, change it. Although there is much about FM that is hard to explain, our flares are usually triggered by something. Whatever triggered it is still occurring so you need to examine your habits and behaviors closely.

I do not mean to minimize what you are experiencing, but sometimes in the midst of a bad flare, we forget how we can contribute to our own wellbeing. I know I often fall back on my bad habits when in a severe flare. I stop doing my yoga which has helped me so much, and instead I reach for the comfort food and remote control. I do these things even though I know they will only increase my symptoms and lengthen my flare. We are only human after all.

You mention you are a spiritual woman. Meditation is a powerful way to help you relax and cope during this trying time. There are some great online resources for free guided meditations like these from the Chopra Center: http://www.chopra.com/agniinfo. The meditations are listed with the newsletter archives. Do not let your remote location deter you from the resources that are out there. Go outside and connect with nature. Nature is a powerful healer – of our spirit if not of our body.

Unfortunately there are no magic bullets I can offer you. I can only share what has helped me. I too have been at the point of loosing it and did not know what to do. Eventually I figured out the I am the only person that can help me heal. The most important thing I have done is to reconnect with myself. I gave myself permission to slow down, which in turn allowed me to examine my life closely. I was – and still am – doing a lot of things to exacerbate my illness. It is not always easy being truthful with myself, but the more I am, the more I change, and the better I feel. Sometimes just recognizing that our bodies are not in control and that we actually are can help.

There is no quick or short path to recovery. But you can improve, you can recover. Start slowly, and understand that it will be challenging. One step forward, two steps back is how it usually goes. But if you love and accept yourself, and the journey you are on, it allows those around you to do the same. I bet your grandsons would rather have a happy and loving grandma than a fun grandma. Let go of what you are not, and celebrate and build on what you are.

My Best to you Carolyn!