I am an adventurous cook. I experiment with ingredients and flavors, seldom making the same dish twice. My husband always encourages me to write my recipes down, but I much prefer to “wing it” and see what tasty concoction I can create next.

All the things that make me a spirited chef, make me a horrible baker. I simply have no tolerance for carefully measured preciseness. I learned long ago that baking is not my forte, and I avoid it accordingly.

That being said, I recently discovered the easiest and most delicious Gluten Free Peanut Butter Cookie recipe that even this girl can master. Simple, simple, simple!

Ingredients

• 1 egg
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup peanut butter, any kind
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 cup chocolate chips (optional)

Directions

• Preheat oven to 350º. Prepare pans: line with aluminum foil or parchment paper, or oil generously.
• Put all ingredients into food processor and pulse until well blended. Or mix thoroughly by hand.
• Make dough into (about) 36 evenly sized balls. Arrange balls on prepared pans leaving an inch or so between them. Add chocolate chips, if using, lightly pressing one or two into the top of cookie.
• Bake until they flatten out a bit and start to brown – 12 to 15 minutes.
• Remove from oven and leave on sheet for several minutes, until they begin to firm up, then carefully remove to cooling rack

Yum, yum, yum!

But this adventure chef could not leave well enough alone!

Gluten free cookies are great, but I wanted sugar free as well (link between sugar consumption and chronic pain), so I substituted 3/4 cup Agave Nectar for 1 cup sugar (adding the chocolate chips adds sugar, so leave them off if you want sugar free cookies). To compensate for substituting a liquid for a dry ingredient, I added 1 tablespoon of Bob’s Red Mill Gluten Free Baking Flour.

The result was a moist, chewy, peanut buttery delight! I baked the cookies Friday evening to take to a Halloween party on Saturday. The cookies were a big hit! If I had not told them they were gluten and sugar free, I doubt anyone would have known.

Cookie Disclaimer

Just because something is gluten and sugar free does not mean that it is nutritionally good for you. But this is the time of year we all know we are going to indulge a little. So if we are not always going to make the best possible choices, we can at least minimize some of the indulgence. And with this recipe, you won’t even realize you are making a sacrifice.

Week two of the Pain Coping Skills research study.

Following up on the Progressive Relaxation guided technique of week one, in week two we learned a simple and useful technique called Mini-Practices.

Mini-Practices

For relaxation to benefit you the most, you need to learn how to relax and calm yourself upon your command. This skill can be very helpful when you are feeling increased tension or pain, but are unable to go to a secluded area to do progressive relaxation.

To Do a Mini-Practice:

1. Stop yourself in whatever you are doing
2. Take a deep breath
3. Say the word “relax” to yourself
4. Slowly exhale
5. As you exhale  focus on the sensations of relaxation
6. Allow your jaws to relax, allow sensations of heaviness to flow downward from your shoulders throughout your body
7. After 30 seconds go back to what you were doing – regardless of how well you have succeeded in relaxing

Reminders to do Mini-Practices

Your goal is to do about 5 mini-practices the first day and then gradually build up to about 20 mini-practices a day over the next few weeks. You can remind yourself to do a mini-practice in many different ways. Some people do a mini-practice every time they feel annoyed or tense. Other people do one every time they stop at a stop light or pick up the telephone. You can remind yourself to do a mini-practice by placing adhesive “dots” around the house (by the door, near your mirror) or on personal belongings (such as a watch, or pocketbook). Every time you see a “dot” you will be reminded to do a mini-practice.

It doesn’t matter how you choose to remind yourself to relax, what is important is that you practice frequently. Little by little you can develop a habit of keeping yourself relaxed throughout the day.

Learning to relax really is a skill. We live in a constant state of flight or fight. Learning to shut that down, even if it is only for 30 second increments is a powerful tool.

After practicing this technique for a week I can say it is something we should all learn and add to our coping skills toolbox. I have not counted to confirm that I am up to 20 mini-practices a day, but the cumulative affect of the number I am doing is very positive. I have a greater feeling of control over my emotions and enjoy the short sensations of relaxation. They are kind of addicting! I find myself doing one each time I wash my hands – and I am compulsive hand washer.

Try it for yourself. It is such a simple and useful technique there really is no reason not to try it. The researcher did mention that some people have an aversion to the word “relax” (feels too harsh), and if this is the case with you, it is perfectly acceptable to find your own word – chill, easy, breath, etc.

Be sure to get yourself a pack of the adhesive dots. They are a fun and useful way to remind yourself to relax.

Did you miss me?

This time of transition in my life has been trying to say the least. An emotional roller coaster would be a better way to describe it. One second I am excited by possibilities and the next second I am crushed with defeat. Sounds a lot like life doesn’t it?

It just so happens that a research study I was slated to participate in months ago started up last week. It is a local study on yoga and cognitive coping skills for the treatment of Fibromyalgia. I was hoping to end up in the cognitive group since I already have a good handle on the yoga, and  since the trials of this past month have left me in serious need of some coping skills. Fortunately that is exactly where I ended up.

Last week was our first session and we spent most of the two hours getting to know everyone in the group. Then we proceeded on to the first of the eight Pain Coping Skills we will be learning over the course of the study. Progressive Relaxation is a guided technique. While laying or seated in a comfortable position, we followed the directive of the study leader and proceeded with a focused tightening and relaxing of targeted muscles.

Starting from our heads and working our way down, we slowly and purposefully tightened and relaxed major muscle groups. It was a controlled and relaxing exercise. Before we began we rated several of our symptoms on a sliding scale – pain, fatigue, brain fog. At the end of the exercise we were asked to rate our symptoms again.

I think everyone agreed it was  relaxing and we all felt somewhat restored. But for me it did not elevate my pain. Some of my muscles that had been burning – like my upper back between my shoulder blades – did experience relief, but then other muscles where my pain was more sharp and focused seemed more painful after. It is hard to tell whether the pain actually increased from the movements or if I simply became more aware of it when the overriding burning pain subsided.

Our homework was to repeat the exercise twice a day listening to a DVD recorded by the lead researcher. My homework left me with the same experience. So I suppose I would say for me it is a good technique for burning pain, but not so good for sharp, stabbing pain.

This week we are learning a new technique, and so on throughout the eight weeks of the study. Their hope is that one, two or maybe even all eight of the skills they teach us will help us and be implemented into our daily routines. That is my hope too!

My second hope is that I will be able to continue on with the study after I have started working again. It is a possibility that it will conflict and I won’t be able to complete the eight weeks. That would be a disappointment, but I will worry about it when the time comes.

For now, I will continue on and report here what we are doing and whether or not it is helping me.

Do you have any experience with Cognitive Coping Skills/Behaviors? I would love for you to share your experience with it. Was it helpful to you? Do you continue to practice the skills you learned? Do you practice daily or do you target your practice depending on your symptoms?

FibroHaven is One Today!

One year ago today I sat down at FibroHaven for the first time and wrote this – Welcome!

In my very first post I shared what I hoped and intended to accomplish with my blog:

I have found the blogs I like best are the ones whose authors are aware they have an audience, yet they speak with a realness and simplicity.  They are authentic.  I image if I met the author they would be exactly as they sound on their blog.

That is the approach I hope to take in my writing.  I want to be real.

One year later I think my blog is exactly as real as I was hoping it would be and so much more.

I had no understanding at the time of the relationships I would form and the people who would reach out to me because something I wrote made an impact on them. I knew there was a need for a positive voice in the Fibromyalgia community, but I had no idea how much it would come to mean to me to be that voice.

My heart, soul, love, hope, spirit, and joy are in this blog. I doubt that I have ever been more proud of a personal accomplishment. Maybe that game winning home run I hit as the only girl on my little league baseball team. That was pretty cool! But seriously, FibroHaven is my baby.

Every time I read a comment like this from a recent post, I know I am doing what I am meant to do:

Thank you so much for sharing! I have only recently realized how important it is to reach out to those around me instead of hiding. I’m not weaker as a result of my illness. It is people like you that have helped me realize this. -Terri Simmons

Heart warming!

I have changed so much over this past year, and I doubt any of it would have occurred without this blog.

• I am more accepting of my illness
• I understand that I need to be my own best health advocate
• I understand the value and importance of researching every possiblity
• I recognize that there is no quick fix, no magic bullet
• I do not blame anyone or anything for my current state of health
• I have become more mindful of how my lifestyle choices contribute to my wellbeing
• I have a new spiritual awareness through yoga and meditation
• I am more in tuned to my body and my environment
• I am hopeful
• I feel loved
• I believe with all my heart that I will continue on this path to wellness and one day be symptom free
• I accept that there will be setbacks and obstacles, but that progress is still being made

If I had to give a number to my symptomatic improvement over this past year, it would be about 15%. Fifteen percent better than I was one year ago today. Wouldn’t you take that? Using the most basic of math, and not taking any variables into account, if I continue at a “15% a year” rate of improvement, I will be symptom free in just under seven years. After 13 years of living with a range of Fibromyalgia symptoms, seven years is acceptable to me.

But I don’t believe it will take seven years, simply because I cannot ignore the variables. If I had to give a number to my emotional and spiritual improvement (the variables) over this past year, it would be 60%. I am happier and more hopeful than I have ever been. I am at peace with who I am, and excited about who I am becoming. And I contribute the work I have put into FibroHaven for guiding me into who I am becoming.

I have put the work in, and I will continue to do so. I will continue to share and relate my experiences here. Some you will relate to, some you will not. But by taking the time to research and read, you are becoming your own best health advocate. Knowledge is power.

Thank you all for reading and commenting here. You are a big part of the reason I am feeling so loved and hopeful.

Change is a constant.

We all know that. So if change is constant, the only variable then is in our ability to adapt.

I was watching the Amazing Race Sunday night. It really is an interesting study on human nature and the ability to adapt to constant change – to the unknown. It is remarkable how certain temperaments rise to the top as they excel at adapting to unknown situations, while others battle themselves and their own teammates while flailing wildly at the unknown.

The ever important clue box is a great example of what I mean. Teams are given a general direction and told “that is where you will find your next clue.” So each team approaches the area not sure exactly where they must go.

Some teams calmly read their directions for more clues and talk it through, looking around together until they spot the box.

Other teams divide up to cover more ground, keeping each other updated and staying connected with their voices.

Then there are the teams that run around wildly yelling at each other, oblivious to the details of their surroundings. These are the teams that usually run past the box three or four times before spotting it. They are frantic and manic. They are out of breath, angry with each other, and completely out of tune with their environment.

For years my husband and I have joked we would make a great team on the Amazing Race. If I had to judge, I would say we would be most like the first team type – sticking together to take in our surroundings and find the clues. In fact, I am certain that is the kind of team we would be.

Change is not coming. Change is here.

Last Thursday my husband called me in the middle of his work day, except it was no longer a work day for him. After surviving many rounds of layoffs, this time he was the one terminated. He was calm when he relayed this life altering news to me. “Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no,” was the only thing I could say. But he calmed me down and told me the one thing I believe to be universally true, “We are going to be okay.”

As soon as I slowed down long enough to recognize his calmness and listen to the truth in his words, I knew it was true. We are going to be okay.

Where we have been.

After the accident in late 2006, I tried to get back to working full-time, but my body could not handle the stress of it. My symptoms continued to worsen to the point that we both realized what I needed most was time. After much consideration, and resolving ourselves to the financial adjustments we would need to make, I quit working and have been focusing on my health and wellbeing ever since.

FibroHaven is the product of my time away from working, and I am so proud of what I have created – my blog, my support group, and my facebook community. It is through all of the FibroHaven components that I have learned so much more about who I am, why I have Fibromyalgia, and what I can do to improve my quality of life. I have a new spiritual awareness attained through the many mind-body practices I have introduced to my life, like yoga and meditation.

Each step of my journey away from work and with FibroHaven, whether I was struggling or succeeding, my husband was right there with me – taking it all in, and trying to interpret what it all means.

The time away from the stress of working has been a true gift to me. It has not been easy on our lifestyle. We gave up a lot of the comfort and luxuries that comes with two incomes. I am not healed, I am not cured, but I am better. Well enough that I know it is time for me to contribute again.

Strangely enough, something happened this week to reinforce that it is time for me to change my focus. Everyday I spend a lot of time on FibroHaven’s facebook page. It was a great complement to my blog, and a quick way to share timely, relevant links and Fibromyalgia resources. I was very happy with the work I had been doing.

Monday morning I shared my most recent blog post there, and then went off to my noon yoga class. When I came home and sat down at my computer I headed straight for facebook, but my page was gone:

The page you requested was not found.

It was like a shot to my gut – another loss. All that work gone. Disappeared! Sickening.

Today, I am kind of over it. Sad, yes. Disappointed, sure. But I recognize how much time and effort I spent on it and I realize that my time and effort are best suited elsewhere now.

You see I am part of a team, and my team has had a set back. But we are not out of the race. No way!

Where we are going.

We are not out of the race, because together we have calmly taken in our surroundings and recognized what we need to do to move on. My husband is a talented man. He will find work again. But in the meantime, I need to come off sabbatical and contribute. This means less time to spend on FibroHaven.

Not to worry. My blog is here to stay. I will just have less time for all the ancillary projects – like the now gone facebook page, and like my local support group. I am cutting meetings from two a month down to one, and I will be asking for someone to step up and assist me in running the group. There were also several other things I have been working on that will either not happen, or will have to wait.

Yesterday was our 6 year wedding anniversary. We spent the day focused and excited about our future. Change is here and we are ready to adapt – calmly, and together. I can’t wait to see where the next clue takes us.