Do you allow yourself to ask for support? What does support look like to you?
Let’s face it, there are moments, days, weeks even when we are in need of support and simply don’t ask. Something gets in our way – pride, fear, avoidance – so we suffer and struggle through on our own, likely prolonging our misery. And then to complicate our misery even more we grumble to ourselves and complain that no one understands, no one cares. Sound familiar?
I know for myself, one of the hardest things in this world for me to do is to ask for help. And yet I still wonder and get frustrated when I feel I am misunderstood. It is a vicious little circle that I create for myself. I start with “Nothing to see here. No, I don’t need help, I am fine, I can manage this all on my own.” And then immediately jump to “Am I invisible? Can’t you see how I am suffering? You must not know me at all if you cannot see I am in need here.” Thus creating the perfect Lose/Lose scenario. No one wins, least of all me.
Breaking the Cycle
I see this cycle repeated often in my yoga classes. As a new teacher I learn more and more each day to listen to the silent language of body cues. Especially in my Restorative Yoga classes where students hold poses for long periods of time. I always state a few times for emphasis that I am their guide, but their body is their teacher, and if a posture doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. And if your body is signaling you that it wants to move, move. And if you feel like you need more props to support you, just signal me and I will bring them to you. Then we begin our practice, and it happens almost every time – I can see someone is uncomfortable and rather than do what is needed to find comfort, they try to struggle through it.
In yoga we always encourage finding the fine line between effort and ease and resting there. Rest is especially emphasized in Restorative Yoga – maximum benefits with minimal effort. So I allow each student the time to find their line before checking in with them. But if I see painful winces, and scrunched up noses, I immediately approach my students to support them in finding the right posture for their needs. Once their needs have been met, whether it is a change in how they are laying, or an extra prop for comfort, they let out a deep breath and relax into the posture. Often it takes persistence on my part for the student to accept the support I am trying to give them.
Even Yogis Have a Hard Time Asking for Help
They don’t want to bring attention to their discomfort – Don’t come over here and bring attention to me. Let’s just get through this.
They don’t want to be a nuisance – I’m fine, I’m fine. I don’t need anything. Nothing to see here.
They don’t want to stand out or be different – Why can everyone else do it but not me? Everyone else is relaxing into it, why can’t I?
They think it is a matter of right or wrong – If I can’t do it there must be something wrong with me. Everyone else is doing it just fine. What’s wrong with me? Maybe I don’t belong here.
They think I don’t understand – No one understands this pain I am in. There is no point trying to explain it because you just won’t get it.
They think a certain amount of pain is normal and acceptable – I have had this pain in my hip forever. It always hurts and I just live with it. It is what it is.
It is easy for me to get into my student’s heads and understand the inner dialog, because that was me, not too long ago. If I cannot ask for help in my life, dealing every day with the unpredictable nature of chronic illness, how can I ever be expected to ask for help in a yoga class? The first step is in getting out of my head (see inner dialogue above) and opening myself up to the possibility that asking for and allowing support brings.
Taking the First Step
Like any other attitude or skill we want to develop, it starts with practice. Learning to ask for help – and then allowing that help into our lives (another skill altogether worthy of its own blog post) – is something we need to work at. And like everything else we take on, I say start small – baby steps. What is one thing you can ask for support with today? Don’t wait until tomorrow. Look at today. Pick something small. Ease yourself into it.
I can hear many of you protesting – again, inner dialog I understand because I have had the same conversations in my head many times – and I know you all have valid reasons for your protests. Primarily they are based in fear. I am encouraging you to be bold in the face of fear. What would it mean for your life if you asked for and received support when you need it? What would that make possible for you? A little comfort maybe? A little ease? Is that something you want more of in your life? If so, don’t be afraid to ask.
Today is a gift. The only appropriate response is Gratefulness. ~Louie Schwartzberg
When I share with family, friends, and support group members the progress I have made with my health the past few years, I often hear the phrase, “You are so lucky.” And they are right. I am lucky to not be in need of any prescription medications to treat my symptoms. I am lucky that my body is now able to maintain a regular yoga practice. I am lucky to have the energy and mental clarity to be working again. I am lucky that my flares are less frequent and shorter intervals. I am lucky… And while I understand that I am incredibly blessed for the wellbeing I am currently experiencing, hearing that always makes me stop and reflect back on all of the work I have done – and continue to do – to get me to this point, and on the fact that it has nothing to do with random luck, but is all about the focus and work I have put into my wellbeing the past several years.
My current wellbeing is a result of the long-term work I have been doing nurturing my foundation – my soil – back to a fertile ground for planting seeds. Each seed I planted and carefully tended further enriched my soil, and is now blooming into the beautiful garden reflected in my improved quality of life. Through my slow and determined efforts, the seeds of healing I spent years planting are finally coming into bloom. I may be lucky to have such a beautiful garden, but I have tilled, weeded, and nurtured myself into this great fortune.
So how did I begin? And how can you begin? For each of us, our gardens and the tending they need are different. That is the nature of chronic illness. We all experience it differently, and what works for one person may not work for the next. I began many years ago with the belief that my life could be more than my illness; that I am more than my illness. I had moments, days, weeks even when I got bogged down in the complexity of it all and struggled with the feeling that I would never get better, but the core of me never believed that. Hope was always present. So, like so many with chronic illness, I began to explore, research, read, and experiment to find what worked and what didn’t work.
Depending on how long you have been living with your illness, it is safe to say the soil of your garden is likely depleted. Probably not the most fertile and nurturing place to grow from. But even the most depleted soil can be nourished back to a state of fertility, a place from which growth and beauty can be experienced and seen.
My soil became more fertile when I eliminated gluten from my diet, and then again when I began yoga. Neither were an instant or complete fix to my symptoms. Both took time and nurturing to develop and progress. There were frequent frustrations, difficulties, and setbacks. But I continued on because with both I could feel my soil coming to life again. I could feel that the benefits far outweighed the frustrations, difficulties, and setbacks. I could feel that I was getting stronger, and with that strength came the ability to tend to my garden even more. And so my luck began.
Luck is not random. If it falls more easily to some than others, it is because they created a fertile and open space for luck to appear. How can you begin to create your own good fortune? How can you begin to nurture your depleted soil? What kind of seeds will you tend to in your garden? There is no magic pill, no overnight fix, no healing through wishes or osmosis. Does a beautiful garden flourish without tending and effort? There is still a beautiful garden within you, and it needs and deserves your attention. You deserve to experience the good fortune of your efforts. Where will you begin?
To celebrate the 3rd Anniversary of FibroHaven, this little blog that has somehow reached and touched thousands, I want to share with you a creed that describes what I am feeling these days and how I aspire to live – and perfectly reflects my love and hope for each of you who make FibroHaven what it is.
The Optimists Creed
Promise Yourself
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.
~Christian D. Larson
I am constantly growing, learning, and working towards a better me. FibroHaven is a reflection of that, and I want to personally thank each and every one of you who has taken the time to read a post, leave a comment, send me a message, and interact with each other. It is a reflection of your own desires to grow, learn, and work towards a better YOU.
So today I am celebrating YOU, because you are FibroHaven! Thank you for making this community what it is. May we continue to see the sunny side of everything, expect only the best, and live in faith that the world is on our side.
Much Love & Many Blessings,
~Dannette
What we eat can and does play a role in how we experience the symptoms of fibromyalgia and related chronic illnesses. Even if nutrition is not the initiating cause, it is a major contributing factor and can increase and prolong our symptoms. As the film says – food matters! And speaking from personal experience, I can directly attribute the recent improvements in my health to the majors changes I made in my eating habits – eliminating gluten and processed foods, and increasing lean proteins, and fruits and vegetables.
In her program The Eat to Beat Fibromyalgia Challenge, Deirdre Rawlings, PhD, ND, “presents a hand-held approach to removing the barriers to you having your body be pain-free so you can have more freedom to live life exactly how you want to.” In this 90-day group coaching system, Dr. Rawlings leads participants through her four Pillar system and guides them through the process with the help of guest medical experts.
Sounds great, but you are certain you can’t afford it?
Did you happen to notice this is a Giveaway?
From Deirdre Rawlings, Phd, ND.
Who Else Wants to End the Battle against Pain and Fatigue Using the Healing Powers of Food and Nutrition So You Can Feel Good Again?
Well today may be your lucky day because…
Deirdre Rawlings, PhD, ND, the creator of The Eat to Beat Fibromyalgia Challenge, is giving away 3 FREE scholarships to 3 people who cannot afford to pay for the program but would love to be a part of it. This is a $297 Value!
Here’s how to participate: Nominate a friend in need or yourself and tell us your circumstances and why you want to be part of this program and what you hope to get out of it.
We will select 3 people by this Friday, October 7 and help you on your way to feeling lighter, brighter, happier, and healthier!
Program runs from Oct. 4 to Dec. 20 — so Hurry and get your entries in!
Learn more about the program here: www.eattobeatfibromyalgia.com
Thank you Deirdre for this wonderful opportunity, and for asking FibroHaven to help you promote it.
How to nominate.
You can nominate a friend or yourself in three different ways. Which ever way you choose, be sure to state your circumstances and tell why you/your friend want to be a part of the program and what you/your friend hope to get out of it.
1. Leave a comment here on this blog post.
2. Leave a comment on this post on FibroHaven’s Facebook page.
3. Leave a comment on the Foods for Fibromyalgia Facebook page.
4. Email Deirdre directly at support@nutritionliving.com.
Act quickly! Winners will be announced this Friday, October 7th. Good luck!
Deirdre Rawlings is a board-certified naturopathic doctor and holistic health practitioner whose mission and purpose is to empower you with cutting-edge health and nutrition information with which to help you live a long and healthy life. Deirdre is a certified holistic nutritionist, master herbalist, and a certified health & wellness coach and graduated with a PhD in holistic nutrition from Clayton College of Natural Health. She has written hundreds of health and nutrition articles and her recent book Food that Helps Win the Battle against Fibromyalgia, (published by Fairwinds Press, July, 2008), is endorsed by leading health authorities and experts such as Jacob Teitelbaum, MD, Stephen Sinatra, MD, and Jonny Bowden, PhD.